loving his Renzo kor kor..

By now, it's pretty clear to us that our 2 boys are very different, in many many ways. But there's one thing they have in common - their brotherly love for each other.. Renzo might get annoyed or agitated at times if Rynus snatches his toys, or messes up his books, but for Rynus, he seems to love, admire and respect his elder bro, wholeheartedly, all the time!

Once, we caught him running into the bedroom and pulling out Renzo's blanket, he looked super adorable when he was attempting to cover his kor kor up, though I seriously wonder his intent was to have kor kor play with him when I saw his big grin with delight after he "accidentally" woke Renzo up from his nap...

Our helper has been telling us that Rynus often dreamed of Renzo during his naps, and shouted "kor kor", before he turned one side and snuggled up to his big bolster, and went back to sleep again..

Climbing up to Renzo's back is his favorite way of playing with his kor kor recently. And each time, Renzo's effort in pushing him away, just makes him even more excited.

.
Last night, Rynus woke up at 3am and refused to get back to sleep, I had to carry him and walk around in the room. Suddenly he looked at Renzo in the dark and started calling out loud, "kor kor, kor kor, kor kor!!!!!!!!". I was so worried that he will wake Renzo up, luckily Renzo was sleeping like a log. And I ended up carrying Rynus to living room because he was reaching out to Renzo's arm and there's just no way to stop him!

Look at Rynus' "vigorous dance" when Renzo sets the DVD to fast play!!

Maybe in the eyes of Rynus, Renzo is the only, and the closest person to him besides Mummy and Daddy. I really wish one day when Renzo reads this post, it could somehow bring back some sweet memories about his little brother as a baby...

coaching Rynus, just not as easy..

I often emphasize on the theory of "every kid is special in their own way, and they will achieve their development milestones sooner or later at their own pace.", whenever my friends comment that Renzo is advanced compared to other kids at his age. But when I re-read my post about Renzo's funny patterns at 17 months, quite frankly I can't really keep my cool when I then look at our 17 months old little man, Rynus Chan, with a vocabulary list he's built to date like this:
- words used most frequently: "mama", "korkor";
- words with most syllables: "mama", "korkor";
- only words he seems to know: "mama", "korkor"...

-_-!!

Am I worried? Nope..
Am I concerned? Nope..
Am I bothered? YES man, I am!! Why? Because I feel that it is more because being the 2nd child of the family, Rynus wasn't getting 100% attention from us, and unfortunately, he could never get that..

I remember our ex-helper singing the ABC song countless times a day, reading number 1-20 to Renzo at least 5 times till she could memorize the entire numbers poster. I recite 6x Chinese poems + 三字经 at least 4 times a day, I sing along the alphabets and their phonics sounds introduced by Leapfrog whenever Renzo is watching the DVD, I carry Renzo to the window and spend at least 15 minutes a day to teach him how to differentiate car, taxi, van, bus, motorcycle, etc. And before bedtime, I sing about 6-7 lullabies to Renzo non-stop till he slowly drifted off to lalaland. My full 4 months of maternity leave, plus another 4 months of working from home, plus another half a year that Daddy worked half day in the morning, definitely allowed us to provide more support to Renzo's academic growth.

But for Rynus, I left him to helper alone since he was 2 months old. In order not to distract or rather say over-stimulate him before bedtime, I usually off the room light after his last feed and carry him quietly till he dozes off. That leaves me with no time to really teach Rynus anything. I tried to make some effort, but it seems that Rynus has super short attention span, he could not even sit still for long to play a toy, so forget about books, or study.. He's a happy kid who eats and sleeps to pass time, playing is fun, but not with the same toy for more than 5 minutes. Renzo is the opposite, he's always attentive and he doesn't need much sleep, so most of the time he's awake, he's absorbing new knowledge! And if he is doing something, he can spend hours on it without getting bored.

So my conclusion, it might not be 100% true but if  you want to know whether your kid is a great learner who can be easily coached, just look at how focused he is with whatever he does.

Last night, I finally decided to put in even more efforts, by introducing all the alphabets and numbers to Rynus before bedtime, while carrying him and walking around his room. Even Renzo seems to be concerned with his little bro's progress and he was trying to teach Rynus "sticker", "octopus" and "water", like a real teacher! I've joked with Daddy many times that Rynus doesn't need to be smart, his job for now, is just to stay cute and sweet, so to keep us entertained and melted all the time. LOL..

first staycation with baby Rynus - Marriott Singapore

On September 7, after attending our best friends Joel & Alicia's wedding lunch, we checked ourselves into Marriott Hotel for our first staycation with baby Rynus.

Staycation at local hotel has became our yearly family event, and we usually do it twice a year, because it's simply easier than flying overseas with the 2 boys. Talking about that, I just remembered that baby Rynus does not have his own passport! Lazy mummy better work on that before our next overseas trip! Some might think it's a waste of money to bring young kids for hotel stays, but to me, I believe it's an eye opener and great exposure for them. Renzo knows some hotels require room card to access the lift, which I am pretty sure many adults are not aware of.

With our Marriott Vacation Club Membership, we are privileged to enjoy hotel stays at 7 club resorts, 28 club connection hotels, or even more than 2000 timeshare resorts in 75 countries around the world. We celebrated Renzo's first birthday at Marriott Mai Khao beach club in Phuket, we stayed at Ritz Carlton Shanghai for his 2nd birthday, and we went to Ritz Carlton Singapore for his 3rd birthday as Mummy was pregnant with baby Rynus by then. In fact, when we attended our friends' wedding in Bali this April, we also stayed in Courtyard Marriott so in another word, our recently hotel stays were either Marriott, or Ritz Carlton, that's the way to fully utilize our club membership points since it doesn't come cheap anyway, LOL..

So this time, we decided to give Marriott Singapore a try since we've stayed in Ritz Carlton Singapore for 3 times in the past, including an indulgence in a super lovely premier suite room on our wedding day.


I knew long ago that Marriott has smaller hotel rooms, as compared to Ritz Carlton, so I wasn't expecting much and I just thought their superb location will compensate. Well to certain extend, it's true because we could afford to take a stroll around Orchard area for a couple of hours before the shops close at late night. But in all honesty, their hotel rooms are really dull with outdated interiors, and almost zero scenic views as we were given a room on the 5th floor. I thought I made a wise choice to upgrade the room to a premier suite with a living room area and a massage bathtub. Or else I really couldn't imagine how much the kids would enjoy most of their time inside the room.

We did not opt to add in the breakfast at a discounted price of SGD80 for 2 before tax, usual price is SGD90 for 2 before tax and I've heard lots of great reviews about their wide spread and quality food. I have no doubt in that after trying out their 12 bucks chocolate cake (almost as big as a standard log cake) Renzo insisted to get at their cafe. I am never a chocolate cake fan but I found it pretty impressive.

Rynus was curious about the new environment throughout the stay. It's pretty fun to see him climbing up and down, and hanging on the bed for dear life most of the time. Renzo is not a rookie anymore, he even commented that he prefers his own new house, and Ritz Carlton hotel is his favorite. The best gain of this stay, was the 2 videos we took while the boys splashing water like crazy in the massage bathtub, which I am secretly planning to include in their wedding montage one day. But for now, let's look forward to Rynus' first staycation at Ritz Carlton Singapore in one month time, well yes I've made booking for that and it will be Renzo's 3rd stay there!!

stylish baby outfits? not just for girls...

I am sure all parents want our kids to look and feel great (well yes all kids do look great in my eyes),  I often envy mummies with girls who can dress them up like baby dolls, but that doesn't mean I could not splurge a bit on adorable outfits for my lovely boys.

Quality is forever my first priority when buying clothes for the boys, so FOX kids is always my #1 choice as their clothes are very comfortable and made from high quality fabrics that will last through many washes.

And once a while, when I feel like updating their wardrobe with something different, I will grab stuff online though I usually don't fancy about their quality. But I can't help but googoo and gaga myself over their trendy designs and vibrant colors.

I never like the idea of buying the exact same outfit for my kids, unless they are twins. But I do enjoy matching their outfits based on color, design, or style, etc. All thanks to baby Rynus, dressing up the boys are not as boring as before with added fun of mixing and matching for the two!!

Rynus "mei mei"??

When Renzo was much younger, many strangers asked me if he is a girl, probably because he has rather fair complexion and soft hair. My mother in law's neighbor who's been staying next to us for a year plus, congratulated us for having one boy and one girl (好) in the family after I delivered Rynus, because he thought Renzo is a girl despite seeing and speaking to him almost everyday.

For Rynus, we have even more such encounters and especially after we moved into our new place recently, and met many new friends around our neighborhood, we've been asked countless times about whether Rynus is a boy, or a girl. Obviously, Rynus has much fairer skin, softer hair than Renzo, and, bigger eyes for sure. 

I met a couple at the pool side one day, while bringing Renzo and Rynus for a walk, the uncle spoke to me in Chinese: "You have one GIRL and one BOY?", he then turned to Renzo and asked "You are the Jiejie(elder sister)?", I responded immediately, "Nope uncle, he's the Korkor (elder BROTHER)!", the uncle looked confused, then he smiled at Rynus and said, "Sorry sorry, uncle was wrong, you are the baby GIRL!!"..
 
Just a few days later, when my mother brought Rynus down to the playground, an old aunty introduced herself and her 17 months old grandchild to my mother. My mother said to Rynus, "Baby, say hello Korkor..", the aunty corrected her, "Nope, this is my granddaughter!". My mother felt embarrassed and kept Rynus busy at the slide for the rest of the time there. Till she decided to bring Rynus home, the old aunty walked over and said to her granddaughter, "say bye bye Meimei (younger sister)!!".. Now this time, guess who's feeling even more embarrassed?!

I know Daddy Chan will be very upset to see this, but I promise, I won't play with their hair again and I will never dress them up like dolls, never ever!!

Being the Second Child of the Family

Having a loving brother is never a bad thing. Whenever I look at these two play together and roll around the bed in unison, I think back at the times when Renzo was the only child and how lonely and solitary his life must have been before Rynus came along. Sure, Renzo had Mummy Chan and myself around him, but who better to understand oneself than a sibling who is just a few years apart.

I sit here by the edge of their bed and Rynus crawls over to the curtains and attempts to conceal himself behind it. As an adult, I am amused at the 1-year-old's attempt, and finds it funny because he didn't realise he had only covered his torso, while leaving his stubby little baby legs in plain view (good attempt still...haha). But the very same action triggered very different response from Renzo. He saw it as something wonderful, and immediately mimicked it with the other piece of the curtain, and instantly, we had two giggly kids covering and revealing themselves, flailing the curtain around as if the curtains were the wings of an intoxicated pigeon. I can only imagine how proud Rynus must have been to know his actions led on Renzo to do the same and it must have bolstered Rynus' self-confidence by a bit too.

Being the second child of the family, I know Rynus is disadvantaged from birth. Renzo had dedicated attention and funds when he was the only child for the first 3 years of his life, whereas Rynus will never know how it is like to have that sort of love and fundings (3 boxes full of Renzo's Thomas & Friends trains...). As most parents will say "We love them equally"... yeah.. and we know the equal half of the whole loving heart is 50%. It maybe that because I'm also the second child in the family myself, subconsciously I tend to be more biased toward Rynus, being more tolerant and understanding (at least that is what i gathered from my conversations with Mummy Chan, my sis-in-law and my mum... =/ )

Well, in any case, Rynus IS a cuter, more adorable baby even when compared to Renzo when he was at this age... then again, it might be my subconscious mind drawing at that conclusion... haha... guess we'll have to wait till Rynus turns into the little terrible-two monster to see if it'll change my perception of things...

Rynus Di Di is just as sweet~~

Most of our friends who have seen the boys often, would agree with me that Renzo is a very sweet brother, his tolerable limit is amazingly high when it comes to his little brother, and many have witnessed how Rynus bullied Renzo by pulling his hair, poking his mouth and squeezing his cheeks, while Renzo stayed calm and gave the occasional unhappy frowns without making a single complaint. Although they fight for toys everyday, they can play together in peace and harmony most of the time.

Rynus is often curious about what Renzo is doing. Besides trying to mimic his actions and sounds, every sudden expression from Renzo could be a laughing trigger that makes Rynus giggle out loud. Not to forget this cheeky kor kor is extremely funny and dramatic! So the room is often filled with laughter from the two boys. 

They can be very sweet to each other of course. I've seen countless times when Renzo crept into the cot and kissed his little brother while Rynus was sleeping like a log. When Rynus cries, Renzo grabs his milk bottle and stuffs into his mouth immediately, or passes him his #2 favorite remote control if we refuse to give Rynus his #1 favorite handphone to play. But last Saturday, we caught Rynus wobbly walking to Renzo, and trying to cheer him up by shaking his pajamas right in front of him, since Renzo was upset from being disciplined by Daddy for his mischievous behavior. That scene was absolutely heartwarming!

I know sibling rivalry is inevitable when you have more than one kid, due to personality clashes, ability battles, attention tactics, etc, but promoting sibling harmony and helping my children be friends with each other before they learn to fight with each other, is always on top of my list. Friends come and go, siblings are forever!!

formula milk, it does matters..

Rynus has turned one a few weeks back and the good news to us is, he can move on to Step/Stage 3 formula officially! Experienced parents understand that in order to encourage total breastfeeding, infant formula (1 to 6 months) is extremely expensive, and after 6 months, babies can take Step/Stage 2 formula which is slightly cheaper, and from 12 months onwards, till 36 months, they can be on Step/Stage 3 formula which is usually around 10 dollars cheaper than the Step/Stage 2 formula.

But the bad news is, within 2 weeks, we have spend almost 200 dollars on these:

As expected, Rynus is not taking his Dumex Mamil Gold Step 3 formula well. Why I said "expected"? First of all, Mummy Chan has this lactose intolerance problem and that's why I seldom drink milk. Then, his brother, Renzo had a tough time taking this same formula 3 years back. Both of them started with the Dumex infant formula, and moved on to Step 2 formula at 6 months, but Renzo was vomiting badly like a merlion when he started Step 3 around one year old. TCM doctor advised us to switch him to soy based formula, as he could potentially have problem digesting lactose, which is found in Dumex Step 3 formula as a form of added sugar. In fact it's common to find lactose in almost all brands of formulas, just that at that time, we were not sure about the root cause and resorted to change of milk powder in the end. We even informed childcare teachers not to give Renzo fresh milk for 2 years since we were afraid he is allergic to cow's protein. But we switched him from Soy based formula to GainIQ Stage 3 when he was about 18 months old, and since then he was all good. Now I think back, lactose could be found in GainIQ Stage 3 also, but maybe we dragged a little longer to switch him from Soy formula to GainIQ Stage 3, and during the period he's on Soy formula, somehow his digestive system improved and was able to take lactose since then.

So for Rynus, the moment I noticed that he was drinking extremely slow, vomiting occasionally and having loose stool when he's on Dumex Step 3, I made the call to start him on GainIQ Stage 3 immediately. And then, I didn't realize he's having problem with GainIQ till about 2 weeks later, when he has formed a routine to wake up for milk at 2am, then wake up crying at 3am, 4am, and wake up for milk again at 5am. Although he's not able to sleep through yet, his usual routine is to sleep before 930pm, have one feed at 330 to 430am, and sleep for another 1 or 2 hours at least from there. So I talked to my helper, her feedback is that since I switch him to GainIQ, Rynus has been more active during the day and refuses to take his nap most of the time.

Well I have heard feedback from some mummies that GainIQ is sweeter, and more heaty, and some kids (especially boys) get hyper active with this brand. Please do not quote me on this as I am not an expert, and I am speaking based on my own experience here. I do not know the exact impact of GainIQ on Renzo. He didn't sleep much during the day since he was a baby, so I can't say GainIQ made him more active. He fell sick a bit more often after taking GainIQ and grandparents usually relate that to heaty food he took, but he started preschool around that same period and it's so common for kids to fall sick easily. He had a bit of bad temper and threw tantrums often but I rather believe that's due to his Terrible Twos.

But looking at the reaction from Rynus, I have to believe that his behavior, to certain extend, has something to do with the formula he took. Because last night when I finally switched him back to Dumex Step 2, he slept soundly from 915pm to 4am this morning.

For the time being, I've decided to let him stick to Dumex Step 2 instead since the kind customer care representative from Dumex has advised me that some babies take longer time to gradually move on to Step 3. Although he needs s little more time to readjust again, well frequent change of formula definitely made him exhausted, it's so good to see his bright smile again this morning when he woke up!!

Disclaimer: I am not comparing formula milk here, I just want to record down the fact about certain formula brands which my boys couldn't take well.

the sullen-looking Rynus

Rynus has this interesting character/habit which we discovered since he was about 6-7 months old, that he seems to understand people's (or rather say our) instructions/feelings very well, and he reacts promptly to that.

A good example is, on many occasions, when he attempts to reach out on Daddy's computer table from his cot, and snatches Daddy's cellphone, once we shout, "No Rynus, no!!", immediately, he will pause, for many seconds, looks into our eyes, and slowly pulls his hand back without touching Daddy's phonef, but at the same time, gives us a super pathetic look as if he's done something extremely bad or wrong.

Recently, his reaction becomes even "cuter" when he's not able to get what he wants. If I say "No" softly to him, he leans his head on my chest immediately and peeps at me with an innocent look, as if he's checking on my permission before making another attempt. But if I say "No" firmly with a stare, he often juts his lower lip out in a pout, gives an aggrieved look with a big frown, and then, bursts into tears and whine.

How to be angry with this little cutie pie? I can't imagine how would he react if I were to scold him one day, or rather, how shall I react then?!!!

the first 2 steps..

Last night (May 20, 2013), while I was busy searching for Renzo's colored pencils, Daddy witnessed Rynus holding on his water bottle and WALKING TWO STEPS from his chair towards me! Our helper has told him that Rynus started walking one step recently but I am sure nothing beats catching that very moment of his son's first walk with his own eyes!! I didn't get to see that although I was just less than one meter away from Rynus, but I got to feel how excited Daddy was from all his (gentle) screaming and cheering!

As expected, Rynus started to flip, crawl, stand, and walk earlier than his elder brother. Yes Renzo was pretty... lazy I must say and preferred to be carried all the time when he was a baby. By now, I have learned not to compare my two boys though I know clearly what their differences are, in terms of their physical and mental development. All kids will learn at their own pace and master the necessary skills sooner or later.

It's true that Rynus baby is not able to repeat simple words like CAR, APPLE, BALL after us, not able to point out where is one particular object, not able to differentiate LION and SOCKS while playing flashcards, not able to lift up his index finger to tell us he's one year old,  and not able to "poke" his tummy when we ask where's Rynus baby.. All these are things Renzo could respond very well when he was at this age. And I checked through the list of Renzo's first 50 words at about 1 year 2 months old, I do not think Rynus can master those in another 2 months time, but, I am not concerned at all! He is uniquely adorable in his own way, in fact the frowning and tearing on his face when I shouted "OUCHHH" after he bit me on my arm, is the cutest expression I've ever seen! So I know for sure that he observes, feels and understands what's happening around him, all he needs is just time, to learn how to express himself.

In any case, the first 2 steps he took on his own, was definitely one of his biggest milestones achieved in the past few months!

Rynus the little food lover

What do you think our 11 months old could eat from my plate of food?
.....

EVERYTHING!!

Yes I know my answer will cause many mummies to raise their eyebrows, "no salt and no oil for babies below one years old" is the rule I followed strictly when Renzo was an infant, but for Rynus, maybe the 2nd child syndrome mindset kicked in, I am not that particular about what he eats in general, and I could feed Rynus with any kind of food we have on our dining table as long as it's safe for baby. And another reason why I love to feed him our food, is because this little man is super good at biting and chewing with his 6 tiny teeth, looking at the way he appreciates his food is something we enjoy doing the most.

So on one of the afternoons, when our helper was back to her hometown for one week holiday, I decided to bring Rynus out for a lunch date with mummy. I ordered grilled dory with rice and some steamed vegetables. Rynus was all excited in his baby chair even before the food arrived. He sits in high chair for food at home so he knows immediately that he's going to enjoy a feast the moment I put him into the baby chair at the restaurant. He finished 1/3 of the big dory with a little bit of rice and some broccoli and gave me his signature big sweet victory smile after that.

And there was once when he was nibbling on a whole piece of hotcake at McDonald's, one of the staff approached me and questioned if Rynus is 18 months old, LOL, well, he does looks like a toddler especially when he's eating on his own!

Of course Rynus gets to eat outside food once a while only, I cook his daily meals every morning as home cooked food is always more healthy and nutritious. Here's one of his favorite dishes: noodle with fish filet and baby spinach..

See how much he loves his dinner!!

first salon haircut for baby Rynus

We decided to bring Rynus for his first hair cut at the salon together with Renzo, because we have booked a baby photoshooting session with BabyU studio in April, so before that, we want to give him a nicer hair cut as he's only had it once, at home, done by mummy. And I feel extremely embarrassed when people ask, "Mummy cut hair for you is it?", that proves how clumsy my skill is.

So we went to this kids salon we frequent most at Tampines one, and it's pretty amazing to find out how many parents are willing to pay $20 bucks, even for a 9 months old baby.

The salon was sardine-packed with kids and parents, as well as maids and even grandparents. And coincidentally, we met all BOYS only during that 40 minutes visit and not to our surprise, we saw them cry and scream like nobody's business while having their haircut.

I have no idea why, but it's 100% true that boys are way more "protective" over their hair/head as compared to girls. We had to help out by entertaining a few of them in order for the hairdressers to finish their cutting. Renzo is a "regular customer" there and despite a little whines when he heard the sound of the razor, he was extremely cooperative and again, he requested for his "favorite" Chuggington train DVD. Yes apparently his favorite is still Thomas train and he only requests to watch Chuggington at this salon during haircut, call him the single-minded boy!!

Then it's Rynus' turn. I was extremely confident that he's not going to cry like other boys although he's the youngest there. I don't know why I was that confident, maybe it's his character, he seldom cries unless he's not able to get what he wants; he's more sociable especially compared to Renzo, most of the time he's not afraid of strangers; and when I cut his hair at home a few months ago, I made sure that he was wide awake and well entertained. Alright in the past, we had to seriously "make plans" to cut Renzo's hair and only when he's in deep sleep. So I decided to let Rynus have his haircut when he's awake, maybe that helps as in a way, he knows what to expect.

Our helper, Rynus' auntie Jonalyn carried him on her laps, and he didn't make much noise although he gave us a little trouble by trying to stare at the hairdresser and snatch her scissors. But overall, it's a swift and smooth experience. I know it's not a big deal but we are really proud of our baby Rynus!!

why not another baby girl??

Five years ago, before I was pregnant with Renzo, a great friend of mine from the Netherlands with 3 lovely daughters said to me:"Looking at my neighbors' 2 super active boys running around the backyard, I feel blessed that I have 3 girls!!" At that moment, I couldn't agree more with him. And during my pregnancy, my gynae even joked with us that "A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son till he's married!"..

After having my 2 boys, many people ask me this same question again and again: "Do you plan to try for another girl?".

I know some of them are just asking that for the fun of it; some of them are just curious to know if a mother of 2 sons really wish to have a girl; some of them, just prefer to have both boys and girls in a family, and, some of them, somehow, just believe girls are more filial to the parents when they grow up and it's a pity that I do not have any daughter.

Girls are more filial than boys? Is that really true? I came from a family with just 2 girls (my twin sister and I) so I can't really answer for that. But yes to certain extend, I know boys are girls are very different when comes to family relationship, but I personally think to have a filial child or not, it all depends on family upbringing and environment.

My sister has 2 girls and I hear often from her on how sweet her elder one treats her every time. But honestly, I have my Renzo boy who wraps me up with his blanket when he thinks I am cold; who tells me "YOU" when I look into his eyes and ask what is he thinking; who says he wants to marry me and buy me a big diamond when he grows taller and stronger; who asks if he could help me tie my hair because he wants me to be pretty; and who gets "angry" with his little brother for being naughty when Rynus accidentally hits me with his toys. And for Rynus boy, although he's just a 9 months old baby who doesn't know how to express himself, he puts up the brightest smile everyday when I walk towards him; he calls me "ma, ma" when I step away from his cot without carrying him up; he laughs in my arms when I feed him milk at 3am every morning; and he hides under my arms when other people want to carry him when I bring him for daily stroll before going to work... Aren't these great enough? Someone says but, once they get married, it's a totally different story! Well to be honest, I will be more than glad when one day my boys could treat their wives this way, that will be the time I could stop worrying for them as a mother and my husband and I could enjoy our own couple time again!

So do I want another girl? Nope, I said in my previous post that my life is complete with my 2 boys, and I really meant it. I don't have to defense my answer by listing my concerns about my age, my career, my finances, my chance of conceiving a baby girl, my ability to get a good caregiver or provide a good life for a 3rd one. It's not that I don't like girls, but I will never consider having another girl just because many people think girls will take better care of their aging parents.

Come on, let's face the fact, my husband is the one and only one person in this world, who supposed to spend a life time with me, not my parents, not my children, not anybody else. If the reason of having kids is so that I can depend on them when I get old, honestly, don't have kids then!! Save up the amount of $$ I have to spend on kids, and I can jolly well enjoy an extremely luxurious life at retirement age, or better, I might be able to even retire early. The amount of time, money and efforts spent on raising up a kid is really beyond imagination, and calculation! But once they grow up, they will have their own lives and as parents, we only wish that the boys could grow up together with brotherly love for each other, have good health, successful career and most importantly, a harmonious family of their own!

Parents with kids of same gender might have this stereotyped image of always wanting another one of opposite sex, but in actual fact, we just enjoy and appreciate our own kids as the best gifts in the world, and it's indeed easier to bring them up as we are more experienced and for our kids, they can play well together as they are likely to share similar interest especially during their childhood time. 

I love you both perpetually my Renzo and Rynus boy with all my heart, and 100% unconditionally!!

Baby Rynus, you've made my life complete..

Many people asked if I favor our methodical but shy Renzo over our apathetic but easy Rynus?? Even my mother-in-law questioned me a few times after seeing me behaving extremely calm after I delivered Rynus, but cried like a baby when Renzo visited me and his new born brother in hospital on that very same day.

I’ll use the perfect answer New York Times Motherlode blogger Lisa Belkin included in a post: “I love both my boys equally…But I like them differently, and for different reasons, and at different times.”

I just read a book titled "I love you the purplest" by Barbara M. Joose.

Two young brothers head out with their mother in a rowboat for an evening of fishing. They ask her to tell them who is better at each different task. As she tucks them into bed that night, they ask whom she loves the best??

To the jubilant Max she loves the "reddest"...
"I love you the color of the sky before it blazes into night.
I love you the color of a leopard’s eyes when it prowls through the jungle, and the color of a campfire at the edge of the flame. A wide open hug. The swirl of a magic cape. The thunder of a shout."

To the quiet Julian she loves the "bluest"...
"I love you the color of a dragon fly at the tip of its wing. I love you the color of a cave in its deepest, hidden part where grizzly bears and bats curl up until night. The mist of a mountain. The splash of a waterfall. The hush of a whisper."

Together she loves both her boys the "purplest"!!!

Every child holds a special place in a parent's heart. As much as I don't like people commenting that I dote on Renzo more, I know sibling rivalry is pretty inevitable at this stage because Renzo needs a lot more attention and affirmation now, whereas Rynus doesn't know how to express himself much although I believe he knows what's going on for sure.

I do have an immense sense of guilt towards Rynus because of many reasons. When Daddy suggested to plan for 2nd child, I told him that I rather have just one Renzo so to be able to provide him with the best we have. Honestly I couldn't have imagined how much joy and laughter I would have missed if we didn't even try for Rynus. Then I changed my mind and brought the plan forward due to my career commitment, when I knew that all of us have to crash with my in-laws till Rynus turns one, while waiting for our new house to be fully built and ready for moving in. If I could be not as career minded, and have waited a little longer till we move out, we shouldn't have felt stressed out during my confinement month, and discussed countless times about whether to rent a house or not after noticing the boys couldn't sleep well in the same room due to all the night feedings and disturbances. Again due to work commitment, I returned to office after 2 months of maternity leave and left my merely 2 months old boy to helper at home the whole day. I often feel that Rynus is not as attentive and curious to surroundings as Renzo but when Renzo was a baby, I worked from home and took care of him till he was 8 months old. I sang 10 different lullabies more than 20 times in a day to Renzo but probably not even once to Rynus in one week.
Rynus is indeed a very strong and chubby baby but he fell terribly sick for at least 3 times and even stayed in hospital for 3 days when he was only 3 months. If only we could have a place of our own, we could separate the 2 boys in different rooms, and Rynus shouldn't have caught the flu bug that easily from Renzo who's time at the childcare center exposes him to all sorts of virus and bacterias.

I know one day, if Rynus replies me with "okie dokie artichokie!!" when I say "I love you, Rynus!"; if Rynus hides under the blanket and asks me to check "Where is my Rynus?"; if Rynus gives one of his only two grapes to me and insists only Mummy can eat that, my heart will surely melt as those are the things Renzo always does with me.

But even if Rynus is not doing all these to me, I still love him "the purplest" and the most special feeling he's brought to me, is that when I had Daddy Chan, I felt I was lucky, when I had Renzo Chan, I felt I was blessed, and when I had Rynus Chan, I felt that my life is finally complete!!

Cost of having baby Rynus

Rynus' Godpa, Renzo's uncle Zheng Cheng, oh yah apparently our 2 little boys do not share the same Godpa for God knows (well Daddy should know though) what reason, has been visiting baby Rynus pretty often and interestingly, the little boy does follow some good traits of his Godpa, both being smiley, quiet and extremely easy going =)..

Anyway so the other day, the Godpa popped this one million dollar question out of curiosity, which, indeed made me seriously wonder a bit before I could give a good answer..

So, how much does it cost to have our little baby Rynus?

Before I start diving into the details, let's just look at the comparison here on the cost of having Renzo in 2009, vs. the cost of having Rynus in 2012.

Do note that a single bedder at Thomson Medical Center is a pretty common choice, but my gynae Dr Lim Teck Chye at the Tow Yung Clinic is a famous and reputable doctor who doesn't come cheap. Usually the gynae package costs around S$500 - 1000 and mine was above S$3000, but definitely for a good cause. You will agree with me on that if you have read the birth story of Renzo and Rynus. Medication cost dropped more because I started to understand which are the supplements required so I didn't buy a lot during Rynus' time. And full scan cost also dropped because I did the OSCAR scan during Rynus' time, which was more detailed than the blood test done during Renzo's time.

Were we stressed over the daunting task of accumulating funds before we decided to have 2nd child? In actual fact, nope we weren't. If a couple has a good habit of saving about 20% of monthly income, then it's not too difficult and not to forget, we do get some sort of help from our government. For babies born after 2012, Aug 26, there is a cash gift of S$6000 each for 1st and 2nd child, and S$8000 each for 3rd and 4th child. The payout is much faster than before and you get S$3000 after child birth, S$1500 when baby is 6 months and another S$1500 when baby is 1 year old. For Renzo and Rynus, they received S$4000 each. And during their time, the payout was done in 4 installments from birth to one and half years old. 

Child Development Account (CDA) is a special savings account that you open at any OCBC or Standard Chartered Bank and you can save in this account any time until your child turns 12 years of age. The savings will be matched dollar-for-dollar up to the cap of S$6000 each for 1st and 2nd child, S$12000 each for 3rd and 4th child, S$18000 each for the 5th and subsequent child. The amount sounds huge but in actual fact, we spent the saved S$6000 and matched S$6000 in Renzo's CDA account by the time he turned 3 years old, that's a whooping S$12000 spent mostly on his pretty decent childcare center, for S$520 a month after a S$300 subsidy from government for working mother. I am sure for Rynus, we will get his CDA account wiped out even faster, as this poor little boy gets flu bugs often and each visit to specialist can easily cost us S$200 - 500. Comparatively, the money we spent on his vaccination (about S$550 after S$400 deduction from CPF) at private GP, seems extremely affordable. Cost of the vaccination will be cheaper at polyclinic if you do not mind the long queue and the hassle to take leave during weekdays. And of course doctor visit can be cheaper, or even FREE if you bring your little one to normal GP every time. Like for our case, my company has all my dependents' medical bill covered at panel doctors, but unfortunately, most of the time Rynus can only get recovered faster under the treatment of pediatrician, for that, I can only claim a S$40 consultation fee per visit from my company.

The only one additional financial help I got in terms of having baby, is the S$2000 flexi benefit from my company which could be used to claim for pre-natal, post-natal checkup at gynae's clinic, and delivery charges at hospital (obviously that's not enough to cover everything since my gynae package is way above average ones). And we were also given a one time pay out of S$2000 cash gift for up to 3rd child, both to female employees and spouse of male employees. But in all honesty, such kind of benefit is very rare in the market (another reason why I want to retire here in my current company, LOL).

Of course having kids is not just the money. Many couples have concerns mainly because they do not have a caregiver to look after the baby when both of them need to work.

Hiring a foreign domestic worker will cost you at least S$600 (with S$170 levy going to the government) a month and be prepared to pay a lump sum of S$3000 to the agent before you even get to see your helper in person; a nanny or infant care costs at least S$800 or $1000 respectively, but you do not have the flexibility of sending/picking up your child at any time you want. Getting help from either set of grandparents might be the highly sought after option, but for them to give up their job, or retirement lifestyle to help you at such age, I bet you have to give them even more, and with a guilty heart.

And not to forget some one time "indirect cost" incurred (depending on your own choice though), such as:

- Confinement lady (S$1900 - 2300 minimum), I have not engaged any for both of my confinement, and if you do, only one advice, DO NOT rely on confinement lady to look after baby, take care of baby yourself, especially at night, so that after the confinement lady leaves, you don't get a shock and start panicking about how to deal with your own new born.
- Catered Confinement Food (S$1500+), I only advise to take 1 week or 2 weeks supply if you have the need, which costs S$400+ or S$800+, but if you decide to prepare a nutritious confinement meal with expensive tonics yourself, it will cost you S$600-1200 easily (especially if the confinement lady is the one doing the marketing).
- Tonics for mummy (S$300 - 500), that's just talking about bird nests, is it necessary to have it? Well I only know that my episiotomy wound recovered extremely fast after my 2nd delivery and I could only attribute that to 12 big bottles of bird nest I had during my confinement month.
- Baby stuff including must haves like cot, stroller, carrier, thermometer (S$1100 and above), my only advice to save cost is, not to buy too many things (especially clothes and toys) at one go, invest on one or two items every month and slowly find out what is really needed.
- Full month baby shower (S$300 and above), we did not have any celebration for Rynus, but just the cheapest option of cake vouchers cost us more than S$200. I would think that out of courtesy, getting some cakes for friends and colleagues are definitely essential, but whether to throw in a big party at home or in a restaurant, it's up to individual but always take into consideration that mummy and baby will need plenty of rest at this early stage.

In a nutshell, how much is enough? The more the merrier my friends!!!
But just to be a little more precise, let me try to help out with the calculation here. Assuming the baby bonus of S$6000 is going to cover all the miscellaneous expenses ("indirect costs") I mentioned above, you need to set aside at least S$3000-5000 in cash to cover the checkup and delivery cost comfortably, and of course pray hard for a smooth delivery and healthy baby at the same time.

And every month, you need to fork out a minimum of S$300, to spend on milk powder if you are not able to supply your precious one with breast milk, and on disposable diapers if you do not wish to see your baby waking up frequently from a soiled cloth diaper. Cost on caregiver varies but S$600 is the minimum and so far we still believe hiring a helper is the best solution. Another S$100-200 needs to go to insurance (a good hospitalization plan and life policy or education endowment plan). So a monthly cost of S$1100 minimum on a new born baby, is the amount you have to set aside and maintain for at least 6 years till your child is in primary school.

We are definitely going to stop at 2, and indeed we are more than blessed to have our 2 lovely boys by now. If you are planning for kids, be quick!! Unlike property or car market, you experience crashes and prices come down once a while. Cost of setting up a family is just going to get higher and higher because there's just no way for you to expect a price drop on medical bills or education fees, at least not in our country!