forming a stronger parent unit

On one evening when we were strolling around Popular Bookstore, I picked up this wooden multiplication table board for Rynus, as he's obsessed with the multiplication table recently. Yes when I say he's "obsessed", I really meant he is practising it a few times everyday! We are encouraging our 7 years old Renzo to learn his multiplication table and he's still not very fluent with it after practising for nearly a month, but to our amazement, Rynus has learned about 80% of the entire multiplication table up to 12x12 within about 2 weeks times. And by the end of 1 month mark, he's mastered the entire table.

For record, here's a video of Rynus reciting the full multiplication table from 2x1 up to 12x12. There were a few missing equations as the video exceeded its limit and I had to stop and retake while he's doing his 11x.

So to reinforce his learning, I thought this wooden board must be quite a good idea since it has the questions on one side of the block and the answer on this other side. When I presented it to Rynus that night, he shrieked gaily and claimed, "I love this present, it's awesome!!".

Rynus then spent his entire evening before bedtime exploring his new "toy". Instinctively, he flip over every piece of block before thinking about the answer, the moment he realised he could check his answer at the back of the block. Daddy Chan had to stop him from doing that and show him the correct way of "playing", which is to look at the question, give an answer and then flip over the block to check the answer.

At the end of his play, I was pretty certain that this new "toy" isn't a good idea anymore, because Rynus doesn't seem to focus much on giving correct answers, but instead, he's more interested in flipping the blocks for quick answer. And although I am very certain he can easily recite the entire 9x table, he paused many times and gave the "i-don't-think-i-know" look which left me thinking about keeping this board away, so not to confuse him any further. But I kept my thought under wraps since Daddy Chan was already trying hard to explain to Rynus about how this board should be played.

The following morning, Rynus started to work on the multiplication board again. But this time, he started off by stacking up the blocks and when being questioned, he said he's trying to build a tunnel!

After watching him playing with the blocks for a while, Daddy Chan suddenly turned to me and said, "Let's not control the way he plays with this board, it might not be a bad thing that he's treating it as a toy, maybe that's just the way he learns.". Phew, Daddy Chan surely has no idea what a relief it is for me to know that we are on the same page, again!


Yes it's our habit to share our parenting views, decisions and concerns regularly. During our lunch break or journey home after work, we often discuss about our kids' behavior and how to alter our parenting style in order to help them learn and improve. And of course there are times we agree to disagree. For example, Daddy Chan believes that gaming isn't all bad as kids pick up tribal knowledge through gaming, whereas I have totally zero, ZERO tolerance with kids touching digital devices, let alone games. So even though Daddy Chan plays games, he seldom does that in front of the kids.

I believe in gentle yet firm parenting style and do not encourage scolding and spanking, whereas Daddy Chan thinks that punishment is an inevitable, and necessary part of disciplining young kids. That's obviously the reason why the boys will approach me, who is the softer, more lenient parent to get permission.

So clearly we are different in certain ways. But I am glad that we agree on issues almost all the time, we just have different styles to deliver the message. I don't think it's totally bad for our children to experience that differences, it might help them learn about varied opinions and different ways to view the same situation.

But no doubt, the closer parents are united in morals, character, discipline and behavioral expectations, the better for raising happy, healthy, resilient and rational kids.

our little saving grace..

Yes "saving grace" is what Daddy Chan would call Rynus at home, whenever Renzo gives us a relatively difficult day, at times.

By now we are fully aware that the 2 boys have very different characters and we, or rather say I, have almost, completely accepted Renzo's personality of being slow in doing everything, and often needs to be nagged reminded on every single task of his. Well I know that sounds pretty horrible but nope it's not really that bad honestly. He's a good boy in general, just that Rynus has never given us the same set of worries although he might give us equally frustrating moments,  make us feel like giving ourselves a double face palm and pulling our hairs out at the same time. But but, Rynus has this amazingly innocent voice, innocent look, innocent thought, innocent.. everything! that is pretty soothing, or probably hypnotic especially when we are at the end of the rope!

When Renzo gets disciplined by me for his mischievous behavior, Rynus is often seen sitting alongside me and making efforts to cheer me up. He would sing a whole list of nursery rhymes which he just learned at childcare; he would give Renzo a stare and tell him "Renzo you never listen, I listen, right mummy?!"; he would pat my cheeks, hug me tight and tell me it's okay don't worry mummy; he would do the sweetest thing I could ever imagine just to make me happier.

With Renzo starting Primary School this year, we've been putting in a lot more time and efforts to bond with him, be it to chat with him more about his school life, or to coach him more on his studies. Inevitably, Rynus has been neglected but he's never made any noise. Instead, he learned to keep quiet when korkor needs to practise piano; to play on his own when korkor needs to do his revision; to write every word he knows on whiteboard when korkor is preparing for spelling test.

If being the first child, Renzo has to live up to high expectations and set good example, which leads to higher chance of him getting an earful from us, then Rynus being the second child, is definitely our saving grace who often manages to make that "earful" a less unpleasant one for his brother.

Facebook's "On This Day" made me want to write a post!

Facebook's "On This Day" app has a lovely habit of digging out wonderful memories that were once the most excitable happening that were posted years back. Sometimes it may be silly cat videos that brought a tickle, other times, it may be a status update of a note-worthy event. But on some magical days, when the stars and moon align, Facebook gives me the most heart-warming picture from yesteryear. As it did this morning, when I came back from my daily chauffeur duty sending Rynus to school.

As I walked into the house, phone in hand waiting for the WiFi signal and junk mail from the mailbox in the other, I made my way to the sofa and started to go through the bombardment of app notifications accumulated from the night before (no, I don't check them at traffic lights when I drive). So one of the notification came from Facebook's "On This Day". Obligingly, I tapped onto it and was greeted by the sweetest smile :)

It was a simple, candid picture of Rynus from 2013. I loved it so much that, well, it made me want to write a post now about it! Somehow that little toothless smile warmed my heart throughout the day, even as I look at it now... heee

Cuteness aside, it made me realize just how little of Rynus has been documented as compared to Renzo. Living in my computer are endless folders of Renzo's pictures, videos and blog articles backups but seems like just one is enough for Rynus :(

Sorry my dear little Rynus, Daddy promise to take more pics and vids of you to show you how amazingly adorable you were when you were young okay?

Like when Daddy came home from work and the first thing you do is tell Daddy that Renzo poked your nose... left side...

And also when you insisted to play with mommy's hairband and makeup

Now Daddy has to go clear up some space on the computer to start storing all these pics and vids already... wheeee~!

ways to handle a tantrum or meltdown...

Like I've always been saying, if a kid misbehaves out of sudden, usually, there's a change in his routine. I can't emphasize enough about how important a routine is, for kids of any age, no matter he's 4 or 14. I've heard a different school of thoughts that routine is less important than discipline, as parents we just need to discipline our kids well, frequent changes in routine will teach them to be more independent and adaptable.

Well let me tell you (though I am not the expert), I am not saying my kids do not have random temper tantrums, but if "routine doesn't matter for kids" is what you believe, then be prepared for unexpected; and don't complain if your 6 years old whines and cries over dropped cookies.

So, a friend of mine asked me what to do with young toddler's meltdowns, or temper tantrums, yes I praise my kids often but that doesn't mean they do not experience such moments. Basically a lot of experts would suggest a few ways:
- time-out (usually most effective if your child is trained to calm down this way)
- offer alternative options (2nd most effective because kids are often easily distracted)
- use words (yes effective communication it is, but this might be the toughest one)
- count down (yes 3, 2, 1... shut up, oops no aggressive parenting in our house)
- offer a reward (as bad as giving in to their request in my personal opinion)

And in another post on Renzo's blog I mentioned about the 3 different ways of parenting, you can see the methods above are pretty much in alignment with those ways of parenting I mentioned there.

Of course Assertive Parenting is what we would love to cultivate at home, so I usually use a combination of time-out, alternative options/distraction and selected words. But just a few days ago, I spent more than 30 minutes (or at least it felt that long) to coax Rynus after he became distraught, the moment I told him to go to bed. Oh yes you might say, who doesn't struggle with sending young kids to bed??!! But nope, we don't. Our boys have a pretty standard and good bedtime routine which they could follow well since young. So I was pretty much caught off gaurd by Rynus' reaction that night. Because he snapped right after I turned off the TV and told him to go to his room. And before I did that, I've passed him my iphone, nope I do not allow kids to play with gadgets but Rynus recently has this habit of watching his concert dance video clip right before he goes to bed. And since it makes his bedtime routine easier, I am pretty cool with that fast 2 minutes clip. I thought that's enough prep considering usually he doesn't fuss around even if I off the TV without prior notice. That made me believe that his sudden change in behavior, might be due to the change of routine recently, since his elder brother Renzo, has just started Primary School this year.

Time-out method has not been effective to him since a couple months ago. He has developed this new emotion that whenever we mention about sending him to thinking corner, he feels ashamed and simply refuses to go for it each time. It's a method I still believes in strongly, just that it doesn't work on Rynus now and Renzo doesn't need it anymore.

So up next, it's about using the correct words to distract him with other alternatives. But trust me, it's not as easy as what experts advised. The "I know you are upset because mummy does not allow you watch TV anymore.". "I understand your feeling and why not we go to the room and watch your concert dance together?" kind of "model" questions suggested by experts, totally didn't work on him! Right, at that very moment, I was wondering, do those so called experts who studied kids, raised up any kids of their own successfully??!! How is that possible that their advice sounds so straight forward but it doesn't seem to work on every child??!! And Rynus just made it tougher for me when he changed from crying to begging, "I want to watch TV, I don't want to sleep, please mummy, let's go! Please I want to watch TV mummy please...". His voice sank to a whisper, misery was written all over his face, tears blinded his eyes and choked his voice as he begged again and again, my heart was broken. But I know once I compromise, the next time he's just going to act out this way to get what he wants.

When I continued to stay calm and press on, while accepting his 50 shades of emotions at the same time, it caught my attention that whenever I mentioned that "I understand you are upset", he seemed to settled down a little. His eyes softened as he gave me a tighter hug. So I decided to add that liner in front of every single alternative option that I offered to him, from my iphone to watch his concert dance, to his milk bottle and pillow for comfort. He refused to budge. But trust me, I know all I need to do at that moment, was just to repeat what I did again and again, till he finally got the idea that no, mummy is just NOT going to turn on that TV for the rest of the night! Keeping him comfortable definitely helps throughout the bargaining process, and as soon as he allowed me to hug and kiss him, I know I've won my battle.

Boy it's a super tough 30 minutes, probably this has been the biggest ever emotional meltdown I've had to handle so far. But the good thing is, I've learned about his limit, 25 minutes is probably the maximum amount of time needed to win over him.

So again, I do believe Rynus will get better slowly, after all, it's only been 2 weeks after he switched to this new routine of staying in childcare, without his brother's presence. Like my favorite quote from Gary Chapman, the famous author of The 5 Love languages series stated:
“Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank.’” -Gary Chapman

We did neglected Rynus' feeling a bit because we are too busy chatting with Renzo about Primary School life on most of the nights. I know it because Rynus took his own initiative to speak Chinese, sing National Anthem every now and then, in order to catch our attention. Those are things he seldom does at home. So time to work together and make daily family bonding before bedtime more fun and engaging for Rynus as well!

a bit more on disciplining toddler

A few weeks ago, I was at the skin clinic waiting for my appointment with my beautiful doctor (nope there's nothing wrong with my skin, it's just regular treatment for maintenance), she came in with another lady and a small little girl, later I found out that the lady is my doctor's friend and she's a teacher (well in fact her occupation has nothing to do with what I am going to share next).

The mummy and little girl got my attention immediately, because the girl was probably a year or two younger than Rynus, which means about 1.5 to 2.5 years old. She went into the clinic with a sulking face, I have no idea why but it seems that she's just not interested in that place at all. And what the mummy did next, blew me away completely. She squatted down right in front of her little girl, looked into her eyes and talked to her in an extremely firm tone, "This is not a place for you to whine and cry, so please, you know what to do. And now, it's time for you to go to toilet so stop whining and come with me." Then magically, the little girl picked up the pieces and followed her mummy to the toilet silently. Later on I heard the nurses complimenting the little girl for cleaning up the floor with tissue when she dropped some biscuit crumbs accidentally.

For a little toddler who's able to be potty trained or even to clean up the mess independently at such a young age, is definitely amazing. But what impressed me even more, is how the mummy interacts with her and disciplines her. She's been treated just like an adult and the mummy gives precise instructions in firm voice. Kids at such age are often seen carried by the parents and stuffed with snacks, toys or digital devices in a situation like this, but all this pair had, was an effective conversation followed by an appropriate action. As a mummy with young toddler, I could totally imagine how much efforts this lady has put in, in order to form such a routine with her child so that the little one knows exactly what she's expected to do. Because trust me, even though I've been practicing the same way all the time, it's no surprise that Rynus would throw himself on the floor in one pile and refuse to respond or take action when the same thing happens, sometimes.

Yes I know I mentioned he seldom throws tantrums and is a very cheerful kid, but occasionally, I do need to give him time-out when he misbehaves and refuses to admit his mistakes. Sometimes he understands what he did wrong and admit it before I send him to the thinking corner. But recently I've noticed that he knows he's at wrong and he knows I'm not accepting his behavior, but he's trying all possible means to shun away from the thinking corner. I guess maybe he's developed more self awareness and feels he deserves some dignity and respect, and facing the wall is quite a shameful act, but I strongly believe in this saying I've read recently:
"5 minutes in the corner is better than 5 years in prison. Discipline them now so I don't have to later"

We've gone through this phase with Renzo years ago and it's proven that he's grown up to be a very sensible and understanding kid who has pretty good self discipline. And self-discipline is a process that takes years to hone and refine, we shall definitely start shaping our kids' behavior with a more age-appropriate strategy from young. As Rynus is not able to read independently just yet, the educating with books method we used on Renzo might not really work for him at the moment. Instead, I'm re-introducing this "good habits" chart to depict right/wrong behaviors, coupled with the one I created using the boys' own pictures, and of course, most importantly, we need to engage in more sensitive conversations to help our little one understand and reason better.

But of course, if he has not reached the age of reason (Renzo reached that around 3 years old), then we shall just wait patiently. Which means if he reacts better while hugging his pillow or milk bottle than facing the wall, I am more than willing to let him do what makes him feel comfortable. So he could calm down and function properly again. I don't think I am being permissive by dropping all the punitive methods, but rather being firm with my knowledge that a kid's misbehavior is socially unpleasant and frustrating to him, and being kind in my method of helping him deal with it.

"When a method has really worked with children, they feel empowered and motivated to improve from an inner desire and locus of control (as opposed to control from others), and they develop skills that will help them solve problems and improve behavior."

When a method has really worked with children, they feel empowered and motivated to improve from an inner desire and locus of control (as opposed to control from others), and they develop skills that will help them solve problems and improve behavior. - See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles_teacher/PositiveTimeOut.html#sthash.GcuzDxec.dpuf

When a method has really worked with children, they feel empowered and motivated to improve from an inner desire and locus of control (as opposed to control from others), and they develop skills that will help them solve problems and improve behavior. - See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles_teacher/PositiveTimeOut.html#sthash.GcuzDxec.dpuf

their children can understand and benefit from conversations about emotions and mental states - See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/mind-minded-parenting.html#sthash.ujjv6vkJ.dpuf

Rynus taught us to be happy everyday, for no reason...

I was browsing through some old Facebook status updates I shared back in 2011/2012 and I was shocked to realize that during that period, I seemed to grumble a lot about my life, be it work or family, and honestly I couldn't even accept that "ME" with my current state of positive mind. And interestingly, I couldn't stop attributing that change in mindset to the arrival of our little boy, Rynus Chan!

Yes since he was born, we often use the word "smiley" to describe him. I said this many times in the past that "Rynus has this amazing ability to make us happy simply by not doing anything at all!". At the age of 3 years 4 months, I see him with high emotional intelligence level as he doesn't just stay in good mood most of the time, he also has ways to influence people around him and his smile is totally contagious! Not just us, even Renzo started to laugh more with Rynus around.

I searched on Rynus' blog trying to figure out if I've mentioned anything about his tamper tantrums but nope, it seems that we are not experiencing that as often as we had when Renzo was at this age. Or maybe our experience with Renzo prepared us well in dealing with Rynus. 2 years ago I shared this post about how to stop temper tantrums before they start as I truly believe in what the author mentioned since it worked like magic for Renzo:

"Children are naturally curious. Their job, as a child, is to learn about the world and how it works. That’s what they start doing from the moment they are born. Our job is to help them. And yet sometimes I don’t think we parents give room for our children’s natural curiosity. If you can channel it into something healthy, then they’re far less likely to start screaming in Wal-Mart."

"I do believe in consistent and firm discipline, but I think if we started off, when the children are small, talking to them and really interacting with them, discipline would be much easier. And a toddler throwing a temper tantrum would be a far more rare occurrence."


So back then I was asked by other mummies if the same method works for Rynus, or if it has something to do with individual kid's character and personality. And I couldn't answer back then because Rynus was only 1+ and couldn't communicate well with us. But today, I am proud to say yes, the parenting style I used to turn Renzo to a relatively tantrum free toddler, worked great on Rynus too!

Well in fact the result is even better for Rynus' case as in general, he's not a "temper tantrum kid" by nature, so it didn't take us that many years (2 years for Renzo's case) to get him understand it's not the end of world if things do not go his way and he surely has many other alternatives. So yes once a while we do need the time out method and send him to face the wall, but most of the time, with frequent chatting such as asking him how's his day in school every night, or who is his favorite teacher or best friend, he learned to express his needs well in front of us and we also get him to understand what's our limit and boundary by taking every possible opportunity to "educate" or rather say "demonstrate" to him what kind of request is acceptable and what is not.

And most of the time we see this cheerful little one roaming around the home in really good mood. He often showers us with his random hugs and kisses, and even occasionally we both have our hands full with Renzo, like last night all 3 of us were busy playing piano together, Rynus quietly went into his room alone and played his Thomas train on the floor while waiting for us to return to the room. When I apologized to him for neglecting him, he responded with a generous smile and "It's okay Mummy!".

Of course we do have our struggles, Rynus seems to respond very well to me, but not to Daddy Chan at the moment. We are not really sure about the reason but I do think it's worth figuring out because to certain extend, Daddy Chan is the one handling Renzo most of the time and Rynus follows mummy so I probably know about his needs better. Nonetheless, with his happy-go-lucky character, Rynus has definitely made us more patient parents over the past 3 years and just thinking or talking about him together brings great smiles on our face each day!

Growing up well with full day childcare..

It's been slightly more than a year since Rynus started full day childcare at the same center as Renzo. I've mentioned a few times that everything is great so far and he's truly blessed with great teachers, who are extremely caring and capable in handling him.

It's amazing to see how much he has grown over a year.

- Getting more emotionally intelligent
When Rynus first joined full day childcare, he was pretty famous in his class for throwing himself on the floor and not doing anything when he's not in the right mood. Sounds not as bad as those who screams and rolls around on the floor right? Nope! Not when a 18kg boy lying in the center of the classroom!! Teachers commented that he's too heavy and strong and it's hard to move him to a corner in order not to interrupt other kids from doing their activities.

But as he slowly gets used to the childcare environment, we seldom see him throwing temper tantrums nowadays. Indeed his TERRIBLE TWOS phase was, almost seamingless to us. Yes I've mentioned that many times and I also have doubts that maybe it's not even started, but I've decided not to over analyzing him, and instead just to count my blessing for now.

He often tells us "I am so happy, korkor sad face" when we returned home after work. Yes most of the time he's like a happy bunny hopping around the house in full smiles. And even if he misbehaves, before we start disciplining him, he usually covers his ears with his hands and tells us, "It's okay" in a chirpy tone, though everyone in the house, including he himself, knows that it's NOT OKAY!

Once a while when he knows he's done something seriously wrong, and seeing us with extremely crossed expressions on our faces, immediately, he would turn away from us, or hide at the corner of the room and refuse to have any eye contact with us. Sometimes he could even give this resentful look as if we were the ones at wrong (in disciplining him), and "locks" himself out somewhere (planter in this picture) and refuses to come in and talk to us.

Fortunately, all these don't happen on a daily basis, perhaps, just once or twice in a month and the rest of the time, he's absolutely a little angel who never fails to make us laugh with his cute voice and actions. I used to have a bit of concerns bringing him out in fear of him making a scene in public, but ever since he turned 3, he has improved so much and yes he still gets excited and loves to run about like a headless chicken when he's outdoor, but it's way easier to manage him as he listens well and reacts well to reasoning now.

- Being more independent
Just like Renzo's time, we didn't purposely put Rynus on potty training as we strongly believe they will be easily trained once they are ready for it, nope that's not because we are plain lazy, not at all! And just as expected, Rynus was potty trained during the day within a few days after his childcare teachers suggested to bring more underwears and train him in school. He didn't struggle with it like his Renzo korkor in the past, instead, we saw his changes overnight and before we even noticed, he started rushing to the bathroom on his own, chanting "I want to pass urine or I want to poo poo!" while climbing up on to the toilet bowl and clean himself up with tissue paper after he's done with hsi business.

He showers himself and it's not the 2 seconds kind of wet body dry and come out kind of shower. He makes sure he put shampoo and massage his hair and rinse off thoroughly. In fact I often need to send Renzo back for a second round of washing as he tends to forget about his dirty neck or armpit, but Rynus wins his korkor hands down in ensuring he looks clean and smells good all the time! And he even attempted to wash his own clothes on a few occasions.

If he spills drinks/food on the floor, the first thing he does is to get tissues or table cloth to clean up the mess. I honestly have never seen Renzo doing the same though he's 3 years older. If he sees Renzo playing with water, he will remind him, "Hey Renzo Chan, stop! Cannot waste water!!". Oh right just for record, he addresses his elder brother by his full name when he gets angry or dissatisfied with Renzo.
 
- Learning fast
Yes I know in the past I mentioned a few times that I foresee Rynus will be harder to coach when comes to academics. But within the past half a year, he has proven me wrong again and again with his amazing capacity to pick up things fast. I won't really say he has learned as much as Renzo at the age of 3+. Because Renzo was able to read short stories by this age but nope Rynus still couldn't do that. But he's absorbing very well and he has developed great attitude towards learning over time. I couldn't believe just 2 years ago he would throw the books we try to read to him and show absolutely no sign of interest in anything we tried to introduce to him. But now, he asks for pencil and paper all the time. And when he sees Renzo doing his school homework, he asks for homework too!

Recently, we have been slowly introducing him to blending words with simple 3 letter words as I mentioned in the previous post. And one night, he decided to surprise us with spelling/writing the word MONDAY all on his own. He said his teacher taught them and he could almost spell out Monday to Friday though not 100% accurate. I don't believe teachers will teach them spelling at such young age, but they do introduce days of the week and put the date/day on the whiteboard daily in both English and Chinese, so kids get to understand the concept slowly. But for Rynus, I am pretty sure his phonics knowledge helped and he is probably the same "silent learner" like Renzo, basically they observe, then they absorb. And that's how he figured out and probably also memorized how to spell MONDAY.

He also enjoys communicating with people and it's pretty funny to see how he tries to put the words he knows together to form a proper sentence structure. And he often say things like "hey what's going on here?!", "Oopsy daisy!" in the right context. Which again leads me to believe that kids around the age of 2-4 have really strong ability to manipulate what they hear and see as I am pretty sure he learned those from Disney Junior shows.

As I am writing this post, I start to realize how much Rynus has grown and improved over the past one year. I feel really glad that although he is very different from Renzo, the same upbringing method we used on Renzo, is showing great result on Rynus too. And not to forget his wonderful teachers in the child care center who have played an extremely important role in his early years of development.

When Renzo was young, he didn't share anything about his school life with us but knowing that he has no difficulties in learning, we didn't have much concerns. And Rynus is totally different, he enjoys "showing off" to us what he has learned in school and he tells us about his likes or dislikes, his favorite teachers and best friends with his limited vocabulary too. Boy, never would we expect the teachers to introduce so much about the world to these young toddlers. And we could see clearly that Rynus is totally enjoying his time in school, what's more to ask for??!!

3 letter words, foundation for independent reading

When Rynus was 17 months old, I wrote a post about how difficult it seems to be, to coach my little man, and putting in extra efforts to introduce alphabets and numbers to him. I often tell my friends that Renzo is rather easy to coach when comes to academics but for Rynus, I could foresee we will probably go through a tougher journey as he's rather playful and less serious about academics stuff. But our little man decided to prove us wrong just a month after he turned 3. Well I am not saying he proved us wrong by grasping a new skill of spelling/pronouncing words earlier than his korkor, indeed Renzo was able to do the same when he was only 25 months old, Rynus proved us wrong in the sense that we thought it's going to be tough to coach him, but it seems the whole journey is rather fun. 

Last week, I shared about how Rynus learned to write his own name in about 20 minutes. And this week, he progressed on to start simple 3 letter words spelling.

First of all, let me make it clear. This post is not to boast about how a 3 years old could read/spell/write words. Trust me that's nothing worth showing off, there are definitely other kids who could do the same and even my own son, Renzo, was 1 year ahead of Rynus achieving milestone like this. I never had any intention to "drill" or "train" my kids to be scholars, what I am doing is purely to observe them closely, give them right exposure at right time to help them achieve what they are capable of doing, and provide a healthy family bonding as well as a conducive learning environment at home. Rynus is surrounded with educational materials often,  though he might not touch them all the time. Yes milk bottle sure wins hands down! But at least by exposing him to all these, he has higher chance to pick up something, right?! Of course as parents, our role is to pay close attention and help them discover their own ability. It's just like he could recognize letters, their phonics sounds, but without our intervention, he's not able to tell what's next, when is he suppose to pick up reading or writing.

Another school of thoughts suggests that we should not over teach our kids. I definitely agree with that, because I got feedback from Renzo's teacher that he's less focused in class when he already earned the knowledge about the topics being taught. I don't think I am anywhere near over teaching the boys. Even for our 6 years old Renzo who's going to start Primary 1 in next January, we have never given him any assessment books to work on at home. He's given enough at his full day childcare, and he's been coping very well with weekly spelling and 听写, so I do not see the need to over prepare him. He gets to choose whatever activity he wants to be involved, including watching TV with his little brother most of the time.

Now you might want to ask, then why do I need to teach Rynus anything now?

I've mentioned many times that I am not a fan of enrichment lessons or tuition. We are just trying our best to learn together with our kids (they learn knowledge, we learn their learning patterns). When we see that they are on the right track to achieve a milestone, we help to push them and guide them to reach the finishing line. By doing this, hopefully they are well prepared with the right learning attitude and learning skills, and have the ability to cope well with school curriculum without the need to go for extra lessons. Renzo is a great example and the efforts we put in during his pre-school years, get well paid off when he entered K1 because he sees learning rather fun, and never once struggled with homework or weekly spelling tests. I wish Rynus can enjoy the same learning process just as his korkor so setting the foundation right is always important! And looking back at Renzo's growth, and how we brought up Rynus, I realized what we have adopted, is indeed the Montessori method which I loved and believed since Renzo was a baby. The concept suggests parents to act as observers who are always there to guide, and keep kids' enthusiasm alive without interfering with their efforts to teach themselves. Although we didn't send Rynus to a Montessori school (Renzo attended about 4 or 5 lessons when he was young). We got the idea about how it works for young kids, and decided to pretty much follow that method when it comes to early education.

Of course every kid learns at different pace, some of them might not show great interest to anything, others might be more inquisitive and are willing to learn and know everything around them. Just like both of our boys were exposed to Leapfrog at very young age, and they enjoyed and learned almost all the basic stuff from there, but the same set of materials don't really work for all kids, some of the kids couldn't even sit still to finish watching a 30 minutes episode. There's definitely no right or wrong in terms of the methods, or materials we use to coach our kids, just that since I noticed that Rynus is ready, after he went through the phases of learning alphabets -> learning phonics sounds -> tracing letters -> writing letters independently -> "spelling" words with phonics apps, I know it's time to prepare him for the next phase - reading.

Kids being kids, they absorbs fast at this age but at the same time, they might not have full self awareness to understand what they can really achieve. And I often hear mummies complaining their kids only like to play, whose kid doesn't?! But we must understand,  kids learn through play too. So we give the boys all the freedom they need at home, with proper guidance and control of course (yes that;s Montessori method). I don't nag at Renzo for playing his toys as long as he has finished all his homework. For Rynus, since he's still young, we let him decide what he likes to do, and we just participate and join in the fun together, even if that means to lie down on the floor and stare at Thomas training round and round on the track. Or to sit besides him, listen to him answering Dora's questions one by one. Rynus started using this "Phonics Rocks" app on my iphone about 2 months ago, for about 10 to 15 minutes a day. With my own experience coaching Renzo in the past, I felt that he's ready to spell some 3 letter words after he mastered the skill to figure out how to spell 3 letter words based on phonic sounds of each letter. So these few nights, we started guiding him with simple 3 letter words spelling.

Okay so how does this help with his reading skills exactly? 

I've mentioned this, in a post about Renzo's assessment at "I CAN READ" school when he was 3+..
"... Lastly he was tested on the first sound, last sound and middle sound of words like "elephant", "fish", "hen", etc, I heard that kids usually struggle with middle sounds, but I bet Renzo's ability to recognize middle sounds, must be the clincher for the teacher to decide which class he's qualified to attend at the end."

Back then Renzo couldn't write words (fine motor skill not as good as Rynus and no strength to grip pencil well), but he could pretty much read and spell well, and I strongly believe that has something to do with his ability to recognize first, middle and last sound of the words. With that experience, I have always been paying attention to Rynus in the same aspect. Rynus is very good with his first sound, but for the middle sound and last sound, he's still not able to break the words down that way.

For example, I asked him to write the word "CAT", it took him a little while, but just by hearing the word, "CAT", he managed to spell it out independently, that's a sign that he could tell the phonics sounds of each letter in this word, "C", "A", "T".

But another 3 letter word like RUN, he could only spell it as "R", then turned around and said to me, "Mummy, I am stuck!". So I had to make the phonics sound of "U" and "N", before he could write down the letters "U" and "N" which make the phonics sounds of /ŭ/ and /n/. 

At the same time, he did form some weird words like "CUG", "CIT" randomly, and wrote some words like "BIG", "BET" based on his own memory as those words appeared in the "Phonics Rocks" app. But I have no plan to correct him for now, with my experience on coaching Renzo, this is just another phase, I am sure Rynus will gradually  move on to the next level. I also mentioned this in Renzo's blog after his I CAN READ assessment:

So I strongly believe that Renzo reads mainly by sight words, his strong phonic foundation helps but it's not all about phonics, when they are not trained with a proper system on how to read, breaking down the words or relating them to something they know, is the way most people learn to read. For example, if they know how to read "rice", most likely they will figure out words like "price", "thrice"..

Back then we didn't quite know how to teach Renzo to read, but after we decided not to send him for I CAN READ enrichment lessons, we did started our own way of guiding him to focus on first and last sounds, then figuring out middle sound with simple 3 letter words. 

For Rynus, most of these 3 letter words he wrote, he needs some help to break down the word by sounding out the phonics sounds. But that's already a great start to build the foundation, what will happen next, is that slowly, he will be able to break down the words and sound of each phonic sounds of the first, last, as well as the middle letter, of course the middle letter usually is the toughest. And by doing that, he will then be able to blend the letters together and sound out the words, yes that's READING! Of course,  I don't mean to just "read" like this..

 

P/S: just for record purpose, Renzo was able to recognize/pronounce 3 letter words at 2 years 1 month old, read simple sentence like "The cat has a hat" independently at 2 years 5 months old, spell out 3 letter words at 2 years 8 months old. Of course when comes to writing he was slower than Rynus, I am hoping that baby Rynus could start reading in another 1 year time!

blessed with great school, great teachers..

Last week, I received a call from Rynus' form teacher, 杜老师 in his childcare center, she shared with me that Rynus was a little bit emotional recently, one minute he wanted all attention from his teacher, next minute he's rolling on the floor, refusing to get up and making a big scene if anyone "dares" to touch him. 
 
So the first, and only question his teacher asked was, "Mummy, did anyone discipline him at home, by either scolding, or even beating him?"

And here's my answer to her: 
"I am very sorry 杜老师, scolding or beating is not our way of parenting at home. I know this might make your job tougher. Many other kids might behave well in school because they are scared of reprimand. My kids might not react to that well because we do not discipline them that way at home.We reason with them and let them differentiate what is right and wrong, and when they agree with what we tell them, they will learn to behave well. Of course Rynus is still young so reasoning is never easy, it requires a lot of patience, but in school we understand teachers have to take care of other kids and might not have the time to handle him that way. But so far he has been doing very well at home and no mischievous behaviors. I will try to slowly talk to him about it.."

I said that with a deep sense of guilt because one of Renzo's teachers used to comment that no beating and scolding at home is in a way, spoiling our kids. And to certain extend, she could be right because the kids might simply have no fear of adults and insist to do things their way. But I always believe as long as we set the boundaries and be firm with our principles, it's way more effective to reason with them but of course, I cannot expect others to agree with me. And especially now Rynus is behaving differently in school but as his mummy, I don't even know what could be the cause and how to better deal with it since he's perfectly fine at home.


To my biggest surprise, 杜老师 replied: "Thank you mummy thank you! I wish all parents think this way and now I am not worried anymore. I was only concerned that maybe he was somehow being punished at home that's why he might not be in good mood. So if that had never happened, let's just monitor and give him more time, it could be just a growth sprout and he might outgrow it any time soon! And I also noticed that he responds to reasoning very well, the moment he realized he's wrong, he's very willing to correct himself but of course for now it's a little harder to let him realize it, but I will try!"

After we got off the phone, I couldn't even believe that was the conversation I had with Rynus' teacher. I felt like talking to Rynus' mummy (yes I know that's myself) who truly cares about him, observes him and understands him well. The teacher must be really passionate about her job and loves all the kids just like their parents!

I recalled what teachers shared with us couple weeks ago during the meet parents session, and looked through the presentation slides they prepared for us, I feel really blessed that my kids are in great hands of awesome teachers.

I couldn't thank them (especially the form teacher 杜老师) enough for instilling discipline but at the same time, handling little Rynus' fragile emotions so well, and always keeping us parents well informed.

P/S: Of course I brought this issue up and discussed with Daddy Chan. And we both agreed that likely the change in behavior could be a result of change of "caregiver". Well recently my mother in law has started to fetch the kids home together with our helper, as I am struggling with heavy workload and a bit of health issues. Usually it's common for kids to behave differently when their routine get changed, so that's another challenge we need to tackle.

first overseas trip with Rynus

For the past 3 years, the idea of bringing Rynus with us for vacation has been falling under the radar for one simple reason, it's already a challenge bringing him out of the house, let alone going overseas!!

Yes this little boy is such an angel to us at home but the moment we bring him out, he's full of piss and vinegar (most of the time).. There's no way he could sit still with us to enjoy a peaceful meal whenever we are outside. So how would we be able to manage him while bringing him to a foreign country? Thinking about the flight journey alone, is enough to give me goosebumps. Even Renzo who used to be pretty well behaved, insisted me to "OPEN THE WINDOW" in the airplane when he's around Rynus's age. I couldn't imagine what kind of battle I need to fight with Rynus so the farthest place he's been to so far, is Legoland in Malaysia as it's only about 1 hour drive away.

HongKong is a place my in laws have been wanting to visit since long ago, and we agreed (or I agreed) to bring them there but interestingly, each time we started planning about the trip in the past, I ended up expecting (LOL).. Finally we settled the itinerary and decided to bring the kids to Disneyland in HongKong this April, and of course, having my in laws tagging along at the same time so, not just that I could keep to my promise, they also could enjoy some fun bonding time with their grandsons all day long in a foreign land. And a 3 hours+ journey isn't too bad assuming, I  could distract Rynus successfully, with new stuff in the plane for the 1st hour, junk food for the 2nd hour and, tablet for the 3rd hour. Yes forget about all the house rules of no junk food no screen time, hey we are on a holiday!!

The trip turned out to be way better than expected, in the sense that it left a much deeper impact on little Rynus in many ways.

#1: He's enjoyed so much..
Yes what's more exciting than planning a trip and making the kids really happy?! Rynus asked to go to the hotel lobby every morning, to get a sweet from the friendly front-line staff, not forgetting an extra one for his Renzo korkor. He takes the lift to level 11 when he wants to get a dip in the pool or run about in their gigantic playground, or to level 15 and proudly announce to other guests in the lift, "I just pressed level 15" which is the level we stay at. Even till now, after we were back for weeks, he still occasionally exclaims, "I want to go to level 15!", or "I want to take aeroplane, yellow aeroplane! (We traveled by Scoot so that's why the 'yellow')", or, "I want to go to Disneyland!!". It's a very clear sign that he misses his trip to HongKong, though I doubt how much he could remember a year from now.

 

#2: He's learned so much..
There's always so much to see, so much to try when you are on vacation in a foreign land. Rynus didn't quite like the food in HongKong. There's nothing new there since he's not been eating well even back at home. But he loved the MTR train, the traditional tram (叮叮车), the Crystal Cabin Cable Car at Ngong Ping 360, and of course not to forget those amazing rides at Disneyland. Somehow all these "new" things triggered him to speak up more, in full sentences. Everyone around us noticed his change after the trip when he started communicating more, and showing less sign of shyness in front of acquaintance. And for his first experience taking a plane, it's so fun to see him learning to play with seat belt, front table, light etc for a good first 30 minutes of the flight.

 

 

 

#3: He's grown so much..
When we first hit to the airport during midnight, he made a big scene, partly because he was exhausted of course as it's way passed his usual sleep time of 9pm, and I had to punish him by bringing him to "naughty corner" and let him face the wall for a short "time out" period. The method didn't quite work out at home in the past as he seemed to have no fear about it at all. But when we travel, it worked like miracle. I explained to him that I would have to use this method if he misbehaves. And here are the 4 times I used "time out" on him. It's very obvious that the method worked better and better day after day. He clearly understands the consequences when I mention the word "naughty corner" and disciplining him has became so much easier nowadays.

1st time: for forcing grandpa to get on the escalator that goes only one way down when they need to go up

 

2nd time: for playing hide and seek with everyone at the mountain top while visiting big Buddha 

3rd time: for running about at the train station when Mummy was alone to take care of the two

 

4th time: for running away while waiting for Mummy to settle payment at cashier in shopping mall 

So the next question is, "Should we bring Rynus for vacation again?!", or better still, "Where should we bring him to for our next vacation?!"