independent reading - tips on how to teach your preschooler

Preschool is a great time to spark curiosity about reading in your young child. With Rynus finally started reading relatively long stories independently at the age of 4 years 4 months, we can proudly say that we've taught the Chan brothers to read before they enter K1.

Renzo first started reading simple books independently when he was 2 years 11 months (refer to the video below), and moved on to rather long stories like what Rynus is reading now, when he was 3 years 8 months old.

Honestly, we didn't put in a lot of efforts in coaching Renzo to read. It seemed all natural, after reading to him daily for 2 years, one day he suddenly started reading all by himself. Till we had Rynus, we realized his independent reading journey doesn't seem to be as smooth. We questioned ourselves, will the method we used on Renzo work on him too??

The answer is, YES, despite that the two brothers have quite different learning patterns, they both learned to read without the need of attending any enrichment classes. The only thing is, it seems to take Rynus a little longer, nonetheless, slowly but steadily, he's there...

So I feel that there are certain tips we can share here with fellow parents. We jolly well understand that every kid is different, but what we are sharing here, are probably going to work for every child, sooner or later..

First of all, before explaining more about our method, here are a list of blog posts on Renzo's blog, where I shared quite a lot of tips on reading:
Foundation - phonics
Simple 3 letter words reading
Crucial Skill - Blending
Cultivate habit - Reading with kids
Cultivate habit - 5-a-day-books 

Reading involves much more than just decoding a few clumps of letters. What's more important is that the reader is able to understand the story and enjoy while reading it. So I am not trying to pressurize fellow parents to expect a 3 years old to start reading (by the way, they don't). My purpose is just to share some tips which we found useful with our preschoolers, with those parents who believe their children (at all ages) are ready to read, so that they could enjoy the process together and have more fun!


Tip 1: Create the environment for reading
Some friends ask me for advice on how to encourage their kids to read, usually my first question to them is, "As parents, do you both love reading? Do you read often in front of your kids?"

And when I say to read in front of kids, I am not referring to reading paparazzi news on your iphone or ipad, in fact, not even e-books on kindle, you can search on scientific proofs about why printed paper books might be better than e-books. Frankly I am not an avid reader, luckily Daddy Chan loves books so the whole family has been more or less influenced by him. Our most important piece of furniture in the house, is indeed our bookshelf. Just 2 years ago it was extremely hard to get Rynus to sit through one story, but after replacing a comfy sofa with this huge bookshelf in the living room a few months back, he slowly started this habit to grab a book and flip at times.

So don't wait till your child grows up, start building your "home library" once you have /or even before you have a new born, they need different types of books at different stage of life.

Make it a habit to bring a book along whenever you are out with your child. Have a trip to library and bookstore on a weekly basis.

Tip 2: Read to your child everyday (from age 0)
Have a fixed time to read to your child every single day. As we both are working parents, we have one hour from 8pm to 9pm every night, to bond with our kids. And reading is probably the one and only one compulsory activity we've been doing with them.

Pick those books that are relevant to their favorite toys, or TV programs so to keep them interested. Or read books that preschoolers can participate in by joining in on repetitive phrases or familiar rhymes. There are books that encourage "read aloud with parents", where the words appear in the sentence which parents need to read first, repeat in the next line which the child needs to read.

With Renzo entering Primary One at the beginning of 2016, we often have to guide him on his spelling or term test during this one hour, while Rynus has his free time to play. Daddy Chan pointed out a few times that he feels, the very reason why Rynus couldn't pick up reading as early as Renzo, is because we didn't spend enough time reading to him. Whereas for Renzo, he could remember how devoted he was, reading to him every single night without a fail since he was born. Hence we quickly made some arrangement to ensure we could spare at least 15 to 20 minutes before bedtime to read to Rynus.

Reading to young children who don't seem to show much interest in books can be quite demoralizing. Do not give up just because they don't understand you, or because they couldn't recognize even a single word. And even after your child picks up the skill of independent reading,  it doesn't mean you  have to leave the reading all to your child. You still can read to him/her daily, or read whenever you are asked to do so. Children enjoy the bonding and interaction from listening to parents, even though they've mastered the skill.

Getting the elder sibling to read to the younger one is another great option. Recently I've noticed that whenever Renzo is reading, Rynus wants to join in too and he's proud and confident about himself when he's able to read. He even told us, "I am able to read by myself, just like Renzo korkor right?!"

And here's an old video of Renzo at 4 years 4 months (Rynus' current age) reading to Rynus when Rynus was a baby. 

Tip 3: Get the foundation right (age 0 - 2)
I know there are a lot of debate around when should children start watching TV. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under 2 years old not watch any TV and that those older than 2 watch no more than 1 to 2 hours a day of quality programming.

Let me be honest, I made the decision to expose the 2 boys to TV when they were about 10 months old. I don't want to justify my reasons, but the truth is, they've been watching no more than 3 different educational programs on DVD and they've learned a ton!

Our family's favorite educational program is none other than Leapfrog!!

I've recommended this set of DVD to many friends, and some told me it's not effective for their toddler, so I still have this feeling that it's better to expose kid during their infant stage. Because the older your child is, the more distractions he or she will get. Imagine if your child has been watching different cartoon programs, learning series like Leapfrog might appear rather dry and boring. But I've read countless successful stories about how this series worked on younger kids below 2.5 years so I just think that it really works like magic.

Leapfrog is so far the most effective, interactive and structured educational material we've tried, to teach children the basics of phonics. Start your little one with this set of DVD in the correct order:
- Letter Factory
- Let's go to school
- Talking words factory

We've bought probably the entire collection of the Leapfrog series, the above 3 are the classic. If you start your child with Leapfrog early enough like us, by the age of 1.5 - 2.5 years old, your child will definitely be able to recognize 26 letters and know all their phonics sounds. That, is the 1st step to independent reading.  
 
Tip 4: Start with 3 letter words (age 2 - 4)
Once your child has mastered all alphabets and their phonics sounds, move on to 3 letter words. Leapfrog's words factory introduces basic word building, rhyming, vocabulary which helps your child to read and spell easy words like CAT, BAT, PAT, BEG, BED, etc.

Or, if you notice your child likes to tell stories based on the books he/she reads, then it's a sign that your child is ready to learn how to read independently. 

As I mentioned in my post about our experience with "I CAN READ" school when Renzo was young, majority of kids at the tender young age of 3, are better at identifying first sound, some can recognize last sound, and a few advanced ones can even recognize middle sound. Renzo was able to identify middle sound, which is the reason why he could read early, in my personal opinion. Because with such skill, he could easily decode the 3 letter words, sound out the 3 individual phonics sounds and blend them together again to form the word independently. Rynus was only good at first sound, sometimes he could identify the last sound but most of the time, he's pretty lost with the middle sound. So we knew we need to give him longer time, while at the same time, explore other methods to inspire him.

Rynus enjoyed playing with his Leapfrog cards to form different 3 letter words, before he started to show more interest in books.

Tip 5: Focus on high frequency / sight words (age 2 - 4)
True enough, the two brothers have different learning patterns.
Renzo:
Verbal (Linguistic) – These individuals learn best through words, verbal and/or written
Rynus:

Aural (Auditory) – These individuals learn best through sound and music

We realized it's pretty difficult to teach Rynus how to read by showing him the word, and expect him to decode it like what Renzo used to do. But interestingly, he is much stronger at recognizing sight words, those words appear frequently such as YOU, ME, HERE, AROUND, WHO, TODAY, MUST, WITH, etc. And because he learns really fast with sound and music, and such kind of words appear very often in nursery songs, he was able to read them before he turned 3, although he couldn't really read a story. So we tried to look for books with more sight words, or read together with him, pause at sight words, and encourage him to read it. It's important to boost their confidence level and keep them interested in reading.

Tip 6: Decode words (age 3 - 4)
Once you notice your child is able to read simple sight words and some of the three letter words, you can try to help them "decode' the word, by sounding out phonic sound of each letter, and blend them together.

There's also a tip here, if your child can make the phonics sound of "H", "U', "G" individually, but cannot sound out the word HUG, then try "H", "U", "G" first, then "H", "UG" because some kids might find it much easier to blend the middle and last sound together first, then sound out the first letter, and add on the "middle+last" sound as one sound.

And from the video below, you can see how Rynus "decode" his words by covering part of the word with his finger, and sound out the letters one by one and blend them together again.

"An early walker isn't destined to be a great athlete, and an early reader isn't destined to be more intelligent." But as parents, reading with our children is one of our greatest passion. They boys are having so much fun reading and learning at their own pace. These experiences are treasures that hold the key to becoming successful learners for years to come.

a guilty mum's confession towards my 2nd child

Daddy Chan: "Mummy, mummy didi is calling you..."
...
..

Daddy Chan: "Mummy are you busy with something, can you play with didi??"
...
..

Daddy Chan: "Mummy I noticed you've been checking your phone all the time...."
...
..

These, were what I've been hearing from Daddy Chan throughout the last day of our long weekend holiday.

YES I AM EXTREMELY GUILTY....

Let's face it, I am not trying to paint a perfect picture about how awesome a full time working mother's life is. My friends all know that I've been sharing a lot on my facebook account about my family, my kids as I enjoy tracking down our daily memories in chronological order this way. It also helps to update the relatives, most importantly the grandparents, about our little ones' growth.

And I am not kidding, those moments where we have peaceful afternoons with both boys working on their own stuff quietly, those moments where the whole family plays board games after dinner, those moments where Daddy Chan talks about science with Renzo and I hug Rynus to read Thomas storybook in one room, those moments where Renzo practicess his piano and Rynus watches his Leapfrog DVD side by side and not get distracted in the living room, are 100% for real!!

But sometimes, just sometimes, we do need our "ME" time to enjoy some privacy. We have already formed a habit to attend to our own stuff only after kids go to bed because after work, we have about 1 to 1.5 hours of bonding time with them so we do treasure that a lot. But things get a bit tougher during the weekends, when kids occupy every single minute of our time. For the fact that I need to wake up before 630am and prepare 3 meals for the family, I am cutting myself some slack and thinking there's nothing wrong to leave the kids playing on their own. Of course I am feeling the immense guilt from spending too much time on my own stuff, and neglecting the boys, or rather Rynus in this case for the past few days. I do give Renzo a lot more attention more because he has more worksheets that require parents' signature each week, if not everyday. He has bitesize tests to go through starting from P1 term 2, so getting him ready for his tests is my priority as compared to watching Rynus tracing his letters. We mentioned not once, not twice, but many times about the 2nd child syndrome, and inevitably, poor little Rynus seems to have became the victim.

Rynus has all along been a very sensible boy who doesn't seem to seek for much attention from us. We are truly blessed that he's independent and understanding.
But...

Each time I see Rynus singing along with his Leapfrog DVD, not bothering about whether I am busy on my phone, or cooking in the kitchen, or sitting next to him singing together... it hurts!

Each time helper mentions I am doting on Renzo so much and poor Rynus is not mummy's boy but aunty's boy... it hurts!

Each time I chat with Renzo about his daily life in school, Rynus skips to me like an eager beaver and asks: "Mummy, ask me, ask me how's school!??"... it hurts!

And I have absolutely no excuses here, my boss allows me to have work life balance and I don't even need to worry about work stuff once I am home. So it's often just whatsapp messages or facebook updates that keeps me occupied. Ironically, when many other parents are struggling with kids spending too much time on electronic devices, worrying about the effects on them, and wondering if too much screen time will slice-and-dice their attention spans, change their brains, hamper their social skills, disrupt their sleep and affect their learning. We don't have that concern at all as the boys do not touch any gadget, but I, am the one whose face is buried with touchscreen rather than my kids.

"To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today." - Barbara Johnson

To my dearest Rynus, I am sincerely sorry for those instances of ignoring you by staring at my phone. When I tell you I love you, I don't say that out of habit, or to start a conversation, I want you to know that you are the best thing ever happened to me and you deserve all my time, efforts and attention. It's not just about feeding and caring for your physical needs, but also to ensure that you are looked at, listened to and understood. I will change for better, for you my dear son!

My #EpicFail at #Epic Kidzania Singapore

For Mummy Chan and myself, every weekend is a where-to-bring-the-kids medley of brainstorming, idea throwing and internet research. But 9-Apr-16 was a different one. Through a wonderful friend, I managed to get my hands on 4 preview tickets for the Chan Family to gain access to Kidzania Singapore 3 days before its official grand opening and for once, I told myself that I'd blog the most fantabulastic review of the much anticipated kids theme park!


The day came and I must say, the kids enjoyed themselves very very much and so did Mummy Chan and myself :)
From fire fighters to pilots to lab scientists to window washers to store cashiers, Renzo and Rynus role played to their hearts' content. One particularly interesting experience was that after his 20-minute stint as a KFC chef, it even inspired Renzo to want to make a burger dinner at home the week after.

So yeah, at the end of a rewardingly exhausting 7 hour stay at Kidzania, I rested myself and days later when I was ready to pen down that informagical review that I promised myself to the world, a quick search on the internet revealed more than a handful of top-notch blog posts out there (most popular being cheekiemonkie) have already done that.

So instead of sharing what's at Kidzania like all those posts have already masterfully did, I'll share with my #epicfails (and by epicfails, I mean my fails, not Kidzania's... they are just too good) and what tidbits of information that might help you prepare better for your kid's (kids') Kidzania trip~!

#1. Bring along your jacket and wear your socks and shoes!
Yes this is more like an indoor theme park, don't get me wrong, you do not need to wear socks to enter Kidzania, it's just that the air conditioning inside is pretty strong. Kids are pretty okay as they will be busy carrying out their tasks and at certain point, the boys did complain that they feel hot and requested to take off their jackets. But for adults, true enough we need to follow them around, but once they start their job, we just have to wait, and it can get a bit chilly there. Especially the play area for kids below 4, that place is freezing cold! I guess they do not want 1 kid to occupy the entire ball pit for the whole day, so switching on stronger air conditioning is the right strategy. I thought Rynus could be playing inside while I rest on the couch and watch for the entire afternoon, but we "escaped" after less than 30 minutes playing there.

#2. Decide on the must dos and waste no time once you step in.
We are not referring to the activities yet. But here's 2 things you need to know about this place. First of all, if you have been to Kidzania in other countries, then you would know that there's this thing called a Kidzania Pazzport, which costs SGD18 per child. Your child will start as a Neutralized Citizen with benefits like earn/save 2 extra Kidzos for their participation in activities. They receive stamps for each activity completed and with collection of 30/60 stamps, they will get upgraded to Distinguished / Honorable Citizen for unlock even more benefits. So decide before you go, and proceed to level 2 to apply for the pazzport if you want it. I do think if you believe this is a place you would come back for sure, then just get it. Another thing is, the currency used in Kidzania is called Kidzo. When your child works and earns their money, it's paid in Kidzo (cash) or credited to their ATM card. So if you would like them to be paid cashlessly, then activate the card immediately when you enter. The queue at the bank is pretty darn realistic (long and slow). And only kids can bring their card in so do prepare them for this task if your child is too young to handle it independently. Obviously Rynus' card has not been activated, he can do that if he's joined the queue with Renzo and with korkor's help it should be much easier, but too bad, he didn't even want to join the queue.

#3. Try to show pictures or even videos to your kids before going there
I am sure they might get too excited to even fall asleep if you were to show them anything before hand. But I would highly suggest you to do this. Kids like Renzo who needs more time to warm up, was rather lost for the first 30 minutes inside not knowing what to expect. And it totally didn't help when Mummy Chan and myself were mountain tortoises who don't know anything at all. Their staff were friendly and were trying hard to invite the kids into their station without noticing that the kids haven't settled into the environment yet. So it took us a while to figure out exactly what to do inside and how to do it. As for Rynus, it's even tougher, he said "I want to go home" more than 5 times through our stay there. Most of the activities are for age 4 and above but that doesn't mean he's able to understand what's going on. So places that require more action, like the fire station, attracted his attention immediately when he heard the siren from the fire truck. And only after trying that out, he's more willing to explore other activities.

#4. The ATM is for checking account status (not for depositing)
Why must I mention this, isn't that common sense? We were caught by surprise when Renzo went ahead to activate his ATM card, but didn't get to deposit any money through ATM machine. Right so we told him to join the long queue and get his card activated, we gave him 20 Kidzos to deposit while activating his card, thinking that the rest of the money can be bank in at later time through ATM machine, since there's not much queue at ATM so we could just do it at any time. But nope, those machines are just for checking bank record! Isn't that weird? But I guess the idea is to activate the ATM first thing when you go in, it has 30 Kidzos on the card and kids have 20 Kidzos in cash. So deposit that 20 Kidzos at the same time, from then on, just use the ATM card to pay / earn inside there. We did everything the opposite way. Because the queue was too long when we first step in, we went straight with cash. So end of the day when we have lots of cash in hand and didn't deposit them in while activating card, the only solution is to queue again. By the way the bank queue is long throughout the day, so just be prepared, to queue.

#5. Bye Bye Data Plan
Not too sure if this was intentional but the 4G/3G/your-G signal there is pretty bad. So please stay near your family instead of relying on your phones to gather at a certain "meeting spot". If you absolutely must, there is WiFi on the 2nd level lounge (but really, power off the mobile, this is a day to be with the kids)

#6. Aviation Academy Alert
One of the main attraction (at least to my boys) was the job as a pilot at the Aviation Academy. But with great attraction comes long waiting time. For me, the wait in line was about 30 minutes, after which the kids will be brought to a secondary waiting room where parents are not allowed for another 30 - 50 minutes. Do the maths and you'll get 1 hour waiting time for 20-30 minutes of aviation fun. Not the best ROI for time (but I'm sure it was great fun). Remember to bring your kid to the restroom before embarking on this hour-long waiting journey.

And also, because almost the plane is restricted to kids only, your wonderful picture of your smart looking kid in pilot uniform would most probably come from one of the assigned Canon photographer instead of your shiny new camera, of course that definitely comes with a price, SGD$20 per piece if our memories serve us right.

#7. Save the food making activities for meal time

There are restaurants inside Kidzania and we had simple KFC meal while waiting outside the aviation academy for the boys. But for kids, plan your timing so when they get hungry, bring them to make burger, pizza, yakult or even icecream. But if your kid is as young as Rynus, then either the elder sibling will need to make double trip at the station to make extra portion of food, or you just need to bring along extra milk powder, if your kid is a milk junkie like Rynus.

#8. Let your kid go in group with their elder cousins or friends
We've seen many upper primary kids roaming around the place like pro, followed by some younger siblings, cousins of friends. Sometimes they discuss about the activities and those younger ones get encouraged to try out different things, even if they might not fully understand. But if your kid is there alone, or like Renzo's case although he's there with his brother, Rynus is much younger to be of any help. Renzo covered a total of 7 stations in 7 hours, Rynus didn't get to go in together for a few places like Yakult factory or Learning Lab which are meant for 6 / 7 and above. As it's a soft launch the crowd was still manageable, I believe now since it's already opened officially on April 12, you might expect less stations covered for same hours inside.

#9. Spend your Kidzos at the Department Store and/or Shopping Alley
Too much cash on hand or busting the binary limit on your ATM card? Unfortunately not all the establishments accepts Kidzos. You'll need to bring your kid to the Department Store or Shopping Alley where Kidzos in an accepted currency. This is especially true if you are not expecting yourself to be visiting Kidzania anytime soon :)

our little saving grace..

Yes "saving grace" is what Daddy Chan would call Rynus at home, whenever Renzo gives us a relatively difficult day, at times.

By now we are fully aware that the 2 boys have very different characters and we, or rather say I, have almost, completely accepted Renzo's personality of being slow in doing everything, and often needs to be nagged reminded on every single task of his. Well I know that sounds pretty horrible but nope it's not really that bad honestly. He's a good boy in general, just that Rynus has never given us the same set of worries although he might give us equally frustrating moments,  make us feel like giving ourselves a double face palm and pulling our hairs out at the same time. But but, Rynus has this amazingly innocent voice, innocent look, innocent thought, innocent.. everything! that is pretty soothing, or probably hypnotic especially when we are at the end of the rope!

When Renzo gets disciplined by me for his mischievous behavior, Rynus is often seen sitting alongside me and making efforts to cheer me up. He would sing a whole list of nursery rhymes which he just learned at childcare; he would give Renzo a stare and tell him "Renzo you never listen, I listen, right mummy?!"; he would pat my cheeks, hug me tight and tell me it's okay don't worry mummy; he would do the sweetest thing I could ever imagine just to make me happier.

With Renzo starting Primary School this year, we've been putting in a lot more time and efforts to bond with him, be it to chat with him more about his school life, or to coach him more on his studies. Inevitably, Rynus has been neglected but he's never made any noise. Instead, he learned to keep quiet when korkor needs to practise piano; to play on his own when korkor needs to do his revision; to write every word he knows on whiteboard when korkor is preparing for spelling test.

If being the first child, Renzo has to live up to high expectations and set good example, which leads to higher chance of him getting an earful from us, then Rynus being the second child, is definitely our saving grace who often manages to make that "earful" a less unpleasant one for his brother.

building MQ (Moral Intelligence) in our children..

Last Saturday, we went to the boy's child care center to have our bi-annual "Parent Teacher Conference" with Rynus' teachers. I realized I didn't blog about it during our mid year conversation but I mentioned in a post back in Dec 2014, which was a year ago and here's what I wrote:
School life:
We had a nice conversation with his teachers during the "meet parents session" last week. Rynus has fully adapted to school environment. Although he doesn't follow instructions all the time, has short attention span, is rather picky on food and often throws tantrums when things don't go his way (sounds like his korkor? Quite!), he still managed to "survive" well for the past 4 months. And his teacher was rather impressed with his enthusiasm with learning alphabets and numbers (sounds like his korkor? Absolutely!).


And this time, we were greeted by 2 enthusiastic teachers who couldn't stop praising Rynus on his progress in school, yes you read that right! They pretty much had NO COMPLAINT about our little boy. In all honesty, we were not caught by surprise at all with all the positive feedback from his teachers, because we know our boys well and their consistency level in behaviors can pretty much compete with your experience ordering a happy meal at MacDonald's, same quality, same taste and same service, anywhere, anytime! So they are expected to behave the same way both in school and at home, as long as their emotional health is not challenged by any unforeseen circumstances.

In a nutshell, Rynus progressed extremely well academically, he has long attention span during lessons now and loves to answer questions. He proudly shared his dream with his teacher and fellow friends in class. He wants to be a teacher when he grows up, and during free play time, he even gathered his friends to the "sight words wall" and started teaching them to read! He's extremely independent and refuses to get help from teachers, yes no one is "allowed" to feed him or dress him up as he loves to do that those things by himself. He's sociable and enjoys talking to his teacher and friends. If there's anything negative about him, well, I guess, he seldom eats vegetable during meal time?

Looking at all the pictures taken by his teacher in school (a lot more on the DVD but I had to chose a few of my favorite pictures), I am very certain that he's having a great time there and he's fully ready for nursery class next year! Oh yes by then he would be alone in his childcare as his korkor is moving on to primary school life!!

So now, with Rynus progressing well in all domains, including physical, intellectual, emotional and social aspects in school, I think the next challenge we will be focusing at home, is to build his Moral Intelligence! The reason is simple, moral growth is an ongoing process that will span the course of children's lifetimes. The habits and beliefs of Moral Intelligence that we instill in our children now will become the ethical foundation they will use forever. Rynus is displaying good characters with tender loving care under his parents and teachers, but we could not shield our children from toxic influences from our culture.  We must give them the deep-seated convictions to stand by their choices and counter any pressure from inside or outside that go against the principles of good character.

"Moral Intelligence (MQ), is the capacity to understand right from wrong; it means to have strong ethical convictions and to act on them so that one behaves in the right and honorable way." 

"Three virtues form the core of moral intelligence: empathy, conscience, and self-control. The other four virtues, respect, kindness, tolerance and fairness, then combine to form what we know about integrity, justice, and citizenship. These principles together create a child's 'moral compass', guiding the way towards responsible living in harmony with others."  - Michele Borba

I guess I do not need to explain the reason about why we should build Moral Intelligence in our children, the definition is self explanatory. I did mention in my post before that Rynus has relatively high EQ, but MQ is something different and I feel it's indeed more crucial to build by parents at home. It's like even a devil might have high IQ and high EQ, but low MQ is the very reason that leads him to do the wrong acts. A quick search on the internet. allows me to refer to this simple checklist, which helps me to assess my child's MQ level.

Assessing our children's moral intelligence - what does the result look like?
The Young Adolescent (without adult reminders or coaxing) regularly:

Answer with a Yes or No
 YES  Shows sensitivity and has a lot of feeling for others.
  NO   Tries to see things from the other person's view, not just his/her own.
 YES  Is honest and trustworthy; can be counted on to keep his/her word.
 YES  Feels shame or guilt about his/her wrong actions; accepts the blame.
 YES  Easily calms down when excited or angry; copes with behavioral impulses.
  NO   Behaves appropriately without reminders; thinks before acting.
 YES  Treats everyone respectfully and courteously; no back talk or sass.
  NO   Shares, helps, or comforts others without expecting something in return.
  NO   Is open-minded; listens to all sides before forming opinions.
  NO   Focuses on the positive traits of others instead of their differences.
  NO   Tries to solve problems fairly and peacefully; willing to compromise.

Less than 8 "yes" = the Moral IQ needs some boosting. 

As I was answering these questions, I know many will say Rynus is still young so it's highly unlikely I would get more than 8 "yes" but if this set of questions are applied on Renzo, I am very certain he would easily score about 9 to 10 "yes", thus it's never too early to build their Moral Intelligence so they have deeply developed sense of right and wrong from young, and can use it to stand up against the influences they get from the society when they grow up. And even if we just look at the short term impact, if you have a toddler who tells lies to get treats like extra TV time or candies/toys as rewards, that's an immediate sign that you need to put in some efforts in Moral Intelligence building.

So in a way I think we've probably done a good-enough-job to teach Renzo how to tell right from wrong at a very young age. As for Rynus, there's still a huge room for improvement. He's still not willing to compromise whenever he needs to share things with Renzo; he often requires reminders and even if we preempt him in advance before bringing him out, usually he would forget about everything he's promised us once he's overwhelmed with even the tiniest little thing that he doesn't get to experience at home. And sometimes though he feels ashamed doing the wrong act, he refuses to admit and accept the blame.

There's definitely a lot to work on and I've been referring to the ways to build strong moral character in kids from Dr. Michele Borba, many tips here are pretty "common sense" to me but I am sure we parents need to be far more intentional in applying these at home:
http://micheleborba.com/blog/building-childrens-moral-intelligence/

a bit more on disciplining toddler

A few weeks ago, I was at the skin clinic waiting for my appointment with my beautiful doctor (nope there's nothing wrong with my skin, it's just regular treatment for maintenance), she came in with another lady and a small little girl, later I found out that the lady is my doctor's friend and she's a teacher (well in fact her occupation has nothing to do with what I am going to share next).

The mummy and little girl got my attention immediately, because the girl was probably a year or two younger than Rynus, which means about 1.5 to 2.5 years old. She went into the clinic with a sulking face, I have no idea why but it seems that she's just not interested in that place at all. And what the mummy did next, blew me away completely. She squatted down right in front of her little girl, looked into her eyes and talked to her in an extremely firm tone, "This is not a place for you to whine and cry, so please, you know what to do. And now, it's time for you to go to toilet so stop whining and come with me." Then magically, the little girl picked up the pieces and followed her mummy to the toilet silently. Later on I heard the nurses complimenting the little girl for cleaning up the floor with tissue when she dropped some biscuit crumbs accidentally.

For a little toddler who's able to be potty trained or even to clean up the mess independently at such a young age, is definitely amazing. But what impressed me even more, is how the mummy interacts with her and disciplines her. She's been treated just like an adult and the mummy gives precise instructions in firm voice. Kids at such age are often seen carried by the parents and stuffed with snacks, toys or digital devices in a situation like this, but all this pair had, was an effective conversation followed by an appropriate action. As a mummy with young toddler, I could totally imagine how much efforts this lady has put in, in order to form such a routine with her child so that the little one knows exactly what she's expected to do. Because trust me, even though I've been practicing the same way all the time, it's no surprise that Rynus would throw himself on the floor in one pile and refuse to respond or take action when the same thing happens, sometimes.

Yes I know I mentioned he seldom throws tantrums and is a very cheerful kid, but occasionally, I do need to give him time-out when he misbehaves and refuses to admit his mistakes. Sometimes he understands what he did wrong and admit it before I send him to the thinking corner. But recently I've noticed that he knows he's at wrong and he knows I'm not accepting his behavior, but he's trying all possible means to shun away from the thinking corner. I guess maybe he's developed more self awareness and feels he deserves some dignity and respect, and facing the wall is quite a shameful act, but I strongly believe in this saying I've read recently:
"5 minutes in the corner is better than 5 years in prison. Discipline them now so I don't have to later"

We've gone through this phase with Renzo years ago and it's proven that he's grown up to be a very sensible and understanding kid who has pretty good self discipline. And self-discipline is a process that takes years to hone and refine, we shall definitely start shaping our kids' behavior with a more age-appropriate strategy from young. As Rynus is not able to read independently just yet, the educating with books method we used on Renzo might not really work for him at the moment. Instead, I'm re-introducing this "good habits" chart to depict right/wrong behaviors, coupled with the one I created using the boys' own pictures, and of course, most importantly, we need to engage in more sensitive conversations to help our little one understand and reason better.

But of course, if he has not reached the age of reason (Renzo reached that around 3 years old), then we shall just wait patiently. Which means if he reacts better while hugging his pillow or milk bottle than facing the wall, I am more than willing to let him do what makes him feel comfortable. So he could calm down and function properly again. I don't think I am being permissive by dropping all the punitive methods, but rather being firm with my knowledge that a kid's misbehavior is socially unpleasant and frustrating to him, and being kind in my method of helping him deal with it.

"When a method has really worked with children, they feel empowered and motivated to improve from an inner desire and locus of control (as opposed to control from others), and they develop skills that will help them solve problems and improve behavior."

When a method has really worked with children, they feel empowered and motivated to improve from an inner desire and locus of control (as opposed to control from others), and they develop skills that will help them solve problems and improve behavior. - See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles_teacher/PositiveTimeOut.html#sthash.GcuzDxec.dpuf

When a method has really worked with children, they feel empowered and motivated to improve from an inner desire and locus of control (as opposed to control from others), and they develop skills that will help them solve problems and improve behavior. - See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles_teacher/PositiveTimeOut.html#sthash.GcuzDxec.dpuf

their children can understand and benefit from conversations about emotions and mental states - See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/mind-minded-parenting.html#sthash.ujjv6vkJ.dpuf

Rynus taught us to be happy everyday, for no reason...

I was browsing through some old Facebook status updates I shared back in 2011/2012 and I was shocked to realize that during that period, I seemed to grumble a lot about my life, be it work or family, and honestly I couldn't even accept that "ME" with my current state of positive mind. And interestingly, I couldn't stop attributing that change in mindset to the arrival of our little boy, Rynus Chan!

Yes since he was born, we often use the word "smiley" to describe him. I said this many times in the past that "Rynus has this amazing ability to make us happy simply by not doing anything at all!". At the age of 3 years 4 months, I see him with high emotional intelligence level as he doesn't just stay in good mood most of the time, he also has ways to influence people around him and his smile is totally contagious! Not just us, even Renzo started to laugh more with Rynus around.

I searched on Rynus' blog trying to figure out if I've mentioned anything about his tamper tantrums but nope, it seems that we are not experiencing that as often as we had when Renzo was at this age. Or maybe our experience with Renzo prepared us well in dealing with Rynus. 2 years ago I shared this post about how to stop temper tantrums before they start as I truly believe in what the author mentioned since it worked like magic for Renzo:

"Children are naturally curious. Their job, as a child, is to learn about the world and how it works. That’s what they start doing from the moment they are born. Our job is to help them. And yet sometimes I don’t think we parents give room for our children’s natural curiosity. If you can channel it into something healthy, then they’re far less likely to start screaming in Wal-Mart."

"I do believe in consistent and firm discipline, but I think if we started off, when the children are small, talking to them and really interacting with them, discipline would be much easier. And a toddler throwing a temper tantrum would be a far more rare occurrence."


So back then I was asked by other mummies if the same method works for Rynus, or if it has something to do with individual kid's character and personality. And I couldn't answer back then because Rynus was only 1+ and couldn't communicate well with us. But today, I am proud to say yes, the parenting style I used to turn Renzo to a relatively tantrum free toddler, worked great on Rynus too!

Well in fact the result is even better for Rynus' case as in general, he's not a "temper tantrum kid" by nature, so it didn't take us that many years (2 years for Renzo's case) to get him understand it's not the end of world if things do not go his way and he surely has many other alternatives. So yes once a while we do need the time out method and send him to face the wall, but most of the time, with frequent chatting such as asking him how's his day in school every night, or who is his favorite teacher or best friend, he learned to express his needs well in front of us and we also get him to understand what's our limit and boundary by taking every possible opportunity to "educate" or rather say "demonstrate" to him what kind of request is acceptable and what is not.

And most of the time we see this cheerful little one roaming around the home in really good mood. He often showers us with his random hugs and kisses, and even occasionally we both have our hands full with Renzo, like last night all 3 of us were busy playing piano together, Rynus quietly went into his room alone and played his Thomas train on the floor while waiting for us to return to the room. When I apologized to him for neglecting him, he responded with a generous smile and "It's okay Mummy!".

Of course we do have our struggles, Rynus seems to respond very well to me, but not to Daddy Chan at the moment. We are not really sure about the reason but I do think it's worth figuring out because to certain extend, Daddy Chan is the one handling Renzo most of the time and Rynus follows mummy so I probably know about his needs better. Nonetheless, with his happy-go-lucky character, Rynus has definitely made us more patient parents over the past 3 years and just thinking or talking about him together brings great smiles on our face each day!