Being the Second Child of the Family

Having a loving brother is never a bad thing. Whenever I look at these two play together and roll around the bed in unison, I think back at the times when Renzo was the only child and how lonely and solitary his life must have been before Rynus came along. Sure, Renzo had Mummy Chan and myself around him, but who better to understand oneself than a sibling who is just a few years apart.

I sit here by the edge of their bed and Rynus crawls over to the curtains and attempts to conceal himself behind it. As an adult, I am amused at the 1-year-old's attempt, and finds it funny because he didn't realise he had only covered his torso, while leaving his stubby little baby legs in plain view (good attempt still...haha). But the very same action triggered very different response from Renzo. He saw it as something wonderful, and immediately mimicked it with the other piece of the curtain, and instantly, we had two giggly kids covering and revealing themselves, flailing the curtain around as if the curtains were the wings of an intoxicated pigeon. I can only imagine how proud Rynus must have been to know his actions led on Renzo to do the same and it must have bolstered Rynus' self-confidence by a bit too.

Being the second child of the family, I know Rynus is disadvantaged from birth. Renzo had dedicated attention and funds when he was the only child for the first 3 years of his life, whereas Rynus will never know how it is like to have that sort of love and fundings (3 boxes full of Renzo's Thomas & Friends trains...). As most parents will say "We love them equally"... yeah.. and we know the equal half of the whole loving heart is 50%. It maybe that because I'm also the second child in the family myself, subconsciously I tend to be more biased toward Rynus, being more tolerant and understanding (at least that is what i gathered from my conversations with Mummy Chan, my sis-in-law and my mum... =/ )

Well, in any case, Rynus IS a cuter, more adorable baby even when compared to Renzo when he was at this age... then again, it might be my subconscious mind drawing at that conclusion... haha... guess we'll have to wait till Rynus turns into the little terrible-two monster to see if it'll change my perception of things...

Rynus Di Di is just as sweet~~

Most of our friends who have seen the boys often, would agree with me that Renzo is a very sweet brother, his tolerable limit is amazingly high when it comes to his little brother, and many have witnessed how Rynus bullied Renzo by pulling his hair, poking his mouth and squeezing his cheeks, while Renzo stayed calm and gave the occasional unhappy frowns without making a single complaint. Although they fight for toys everyday, they can play together in peace and harmony most of the time.

Rynus is often curious about what Renzo is doing. Besides trying to mimic his actions and sounds, every sudden expression from Renzo could be a laughing trigger that makes Rynus giggle out loud. Not to forget this cheeky kor kor is extremely funny and dramatic! So the room is often filled with laughter from the two boys. 

They can be very sweet to each other of course. I've seen countless times when Renzo crept into the cot and kissed his little brother while Rynus was sleeping like a log. When Rynus cries, Renzo grabs his milk bottle and stuffs into his mouth immediately, or passes him his #2 favorite remote control if we refuse to give Rynus his #1 favorite handphone to play. But last Saturday, we caught Rynus wobbly walking to Renzo, and trying to cheer him up by shaking his pajamas right in front of him, since Renzo was upset from being disciplined by Daddy for his mischievous behavior. That scene was absolutely heartwarming!

I know sibling rivalry is inevitable when you have more than one kid, due to personality clashes, ability battles, attention tactics, etc, but promoting sibling harmony and helping my children be friends with each other before they learn to fight with each other, is always on top of my list. Friends come and go, siblings are forever!!

formula milk, it does matters..

Rynus has turned one a few weeks back and the good news to us is, he can move on to Step/Stage 3 formula officially! Experienced parents understand that in order to encourage total breastfeeding, infant formula (1 to 6 months) is extremely expensive, and after 6 months, babies can take Step/Stage 2 formula which is slightly cheaper, and from 12 months onwards, till 36 months, they can be on Step/Stage 3 formula which is usually around 10 dollars cheaper than the Step/Stage 2 formula.

But the bad news is, within 2 weeks, we have spend almost 200 dollars on these:

As expected, Rynus is not taking his Dumex Mamil Gold Step 3 formula well. Why I said "expected"? First of all, Mummy Chan has this lactose intolerance problem and that's why I seldom drink milk. Then, his brother, Renzo had a tough time taking this same formula 3 years back. Both of them started with the Dumex infant formula, and moved on to Step 2 formula at 6 months, but Renzo was vomiting badly like a merlion when he started Step 3 around one year old. TCM doctor advised us to switch him to soy based formula, as he could potentially have problem digesting lactose, which is found in Dumex Step 3 formula as a form of added sugar. In fact it's common to find lactose in almost all brands of formulas, just that at that time, we were not sure about the root cause and resorted to change of milk powder in the end. We even informed childcare teachers not to give Renzo fresh milk for 2 years since we were afraid he is allergic to cow's protein. But we switched him from Soy based formula to GainIQ Stage 3 when he was about 18 months old, and since then he was all good. Now I think back, lactose could be found in GainIQ Stage 3 also, but maybe we dragged a little longer to switch him from Soy formula to GainIQ Stage 3, and during the period he's on Soy formula, somehow his digestive system improved and was able to take lactose since then.

So for Rynus, the moment I noticed that he was drinking extremely slow, vomiting occasionally and having loose stool when he's on Dumex Step 3, I made the call to start him on GainIQ Stage 3 immediately. And then, I didn't realize he's having problem with GainIQ till about 2 weeks later, when he has formed a routine to wake up for milk at 2am, then wake up crying at 3am, 4am, and wake up for milk again at 5am. Although he's not able to sleep through yet, his usual routine is to sleep before 930pm, have one feed at 330 to 430am, and sleep for another 1 or 2 hours at least from there. So I talked to my helper, her feedback is that since I switch him to GainIQ, Rynus has been more active during the day and refuses to take his nap most of the time.

Well I have heard feedback from some mummies that GainIQ is sweeter, and more heaty, and some kids (especially boys) get hyper active with this brand. Please do not quote me on this as I am not an expert, and I am speaking based on my own experience here. I do not know the exact impact of GainIQ on Renzo. He didn't sleep much during the day since he was a baby, so I can't say GainIQ made him more active. He fell sick a bit more often after taking GainIQ and grandparents usually relate that to heaty food he took, but he started preschool around that same period and it's so common for kids to fall sick easily. He had a bit of bad temper and threw tantrums often but I rather believe that's due to his Terrible Twos.

But looking at the reaction from Rynus, I have to believe that his behavior, to certain extend, has something to do with the formula he took. Because last night when I finally switched him back to Dumex Step 2, he slept soundly from 915pm to 4am this morning.

For the time being, I've decided to let him stick to Dumex Step 2 instead since the kind customer care representative from Dumex has advised me that some babies take longer time to gradually move on to Step 3. Although he needs s little more time to readjust again, well frequent change of formula definitely made him exhausted, it's so good to see his bright smile again this morning when he woke up!!

Disclaimer: I am not comparing formula milk here, I just want to record down the fact about certain formula brands which my boys couldn't take well.

the sullen-looking Rynus

Rynus has this interesting character/habit which we discovered since he was about 6-7 months old, that he seems to understand people's (or rather say our) instructions/feelings very well, and he reacts promptly to that.

A good example is, on many occasions, when he attempts to reach out on Daddy's computer table from his cot, and snatches Daddy's cellphone, once we shout, "No Rynus, no!!", immediately, he will pause, for many seconds, looks into our eyes, and slowly pulls his hand back without touching Daddy's phonef, but at the same time, gives us a super pathetic look as if he's done something extremely bad or wrong.

Recently, his reaction becomes even "cuter" when he's not able to get what he wants. If I say "No" softly to him, he leans his head on my chest immediately and peeps at me with an innocent look, as if he's checking on my permission before making another attempt. But if I say "No" firmly with a stare, he often juts his lower lip out in a pout, gives an aggrieved look with a big frown, and then, bursts into tears and whine.

How to be angry with this little cutie pie? I can't imagine how would he react if I were to scold him one day, or rather, how shall I react then?!!!

the first 2 steps..

Last night (May 20, 2013), while I was busy searching for Renzo's colored pencils, Daddy witnessed Rynus holding on his water bottle and WALKING TWO STEPS from his chair towards me! Our helper has told him that Rynus started walking one step recently but I am sure nothing beats catching that very moment of his son's first walk with his own eyes!! I didn't get to see that although I was just less than one meter away from Rynus, but I got to feel how excited Daddy was from all his (gentle) screaming and cheering!

As expected, Rynus started to flip, crawl, stand, and walk earlier than his elder brother. Yes Renzo was pretty... lazy I must say and preferred to be carried all the time when he was a baby. By now, I have learned not to compare my two boys though I know clearly what their differences are, in terms of their physical and mental development. All kids will learn at their own pace and master the necessary skills sooner or later.

It's true that Rynus baby is not able to repeat simple words like CAR, APPLE, BALL after us, not able to point out where is one particular object, not able to differentiate LION and SOCKS while playing flashcards, not able to lift up his index finger to tell us he's one year old,  and not able to "poke" his tummy when we ask where's Rynus baby.. All these are things Renzo could respond very well when he was at this age. And I checked through the list of Renzo's first 50 words at about 1 year 2 months old, I do not think Rynus can master those in another 2 months time, but, I am not concerned at all! He is uniquely adorable in his own way, in fact the frowning and tearing on his face when I shouted "OUCHHH" after he bit me on my arm, is the cutest expression I've ever seen! So I know for sure that he observes, feels and understands what's happening around him, all he needs is just time, to learn how to express himself.

In any case, the first 2 steps he took on his own, was definitely one of his biggest milestones achieved in the past few months!

Rynus the little food lover

What do you think our 11 months old could eat from my plate of food?
.....

EVERYTHING!!

Yes I know my answer will cause many mummies to raise their eyebrows, "no salt and no oil for babies below one years old" is the rule I followed strictly when Renzo was an infant, but for Rynus, maybe the 2nd child syndrome mindset kicked in, I am not that particular about what he eats in general, and I could feed Rynus with any kind of food we have on our dining table as long as it's safe for baby. And another reason why I love to feed him our food, is because this little man is super good at biting and chewing with his 6 tiny teeth, looking at the way he appreciates his food is something we enjoy doing the most.

So on one of the afternoons, when our helper was back to her hometown for one week holiday, I decided to bring Rynus out for a lunch date with mummy. I ordered grilled dory with rice and some steamed vegetables. Rynus was all excited in his baby chair even before the food arrived. He sits in high chair for food at home so he knows immediately that he's going to enjoy a feast the moment I put him into the baby chair at the restaurant. He finished 1/3 of the big dory with a little bit of rice and some broccoli and gave me his signature big sweet victory smile after that.

And there was once when he was nibbling on a whole piece of hotcake at McDonald's, one of the staff approached me and questioned if Rynus is 18 months old, LOL, well, he does looks like a toddler especially when he's eating on his own!

Of course Rynus gets to eat outside food once a while only, I cook his daily meals every morning as home cooked food is always more healthy and nutritious. Here's one of his favorite dishes: noodle with fish filet and baby spinach..

See how much he loves his dinner!!

first salon haircut for baby Rynus

We decided to bring Rynus for his first hair cut at the salon together with Renzo, because we have booked a baby photoshooting session with BabyU studio in April, so before that, we want to give him a nicer hair cut as he's only had it once, at home, done by mummy. And I feel extremely embarrassed when people ask, "Mummy cut hair for you is it?", that proves how clumsy my skill is.

So we went to this kids salon we frequent most at Tampines one, and it's pretty amazing to find out how many parents are willing to pay $20 bucks, even for a 9 months old baby.

The salon was sardine-packed with kids and parents, as well as maids and even grandparents. And coincidentally, we met all BOYS only during that 40 minutes visit and not to our surprise, we saw them cry and scream like nobody's business while having their haircut.

I have no idea why, but it's 100% true that boys are way more "protective" over their hair/head as compared to girls. We had to help out by entertaining a few of them in order for the hairdressers to finish their cutting. Renzo is a "regular customer" there and despite a little whines when he heard the sound of the razor, he was extremely cooperative and again, he requested for his "favorite" Chuggington train DVD. Yes apparently his favorite is still Thomas train and he only requests to watch Chuggington at this salon during haircut, call him the single-minded boy!!

Then it's Rynus' turn. I was extremely confident that he's not going to cry like other boys although he's the youngest there. I don't know why I was that confident, maybe it's his character, he seldom cries unless he's not able to get what he wants; he's more sociable especially compared to Renzo, most of the time he's not afraid of strangers; and when I cut his hair at home a few months ago, I made sure that he was wide awake and well entertained. Alright in the past, we had to seriously "make plans" to cut Renzo's hair and only when he's in deep sleep. So I decided to let Rynus have his haircut when he's awake, maybe that helps as in a way, he knows what to expect.

Our helper, Rynus' auntie Jonalyn carried him on her laps, and he didn't make much noise although he gave us a little trouble by trying to stare at the hairdresser and snatch her scissors. But overall, it's a swift and smooth experience. I know it's not a big deal but we are really proud of our baby Rynus!!

why not another baby girl??

Five years ago, before I was pregnant with Renzo, a great friend of mine from the Netherlands with 3 lovely daughters said to me:"Looking at my neighbors' 2 super active boys running around the backyard, I feel blessed that I have 3 girls!!" At that moment, I couldn't agree more with him. And during my pregnancy, my gynae even joked with us that "A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son till he's married!"..

After having my 2 boys, many people ask me this same question again and again: "Do you plan to try for another girl?".

I know some of them are just asking that for the fun of it; some of them are just curious to know if a mother of 2 sons really wish to have a girl; some of them, just prefer to have both boys and girls in a family, and, some of them, somehow, just believe girls are more filial to the parents when they grow up and it's a pity that I do not have any daughter.

Girls are more filial than boys? Is that really true? I came from a family with just 2 girls (my twin sister and I) so I can't really answer for that. But yes to certain extend, I know boys are girls are very different when comes to family relationship, but I personally think to have a filial child or not, it all depends on family upbringing and environment.

My sister has 2 girls and I hear often from her on how sweet her elder one treats her every time. But honestly, I have my Renzo boy who wraps me up with his blanket when he thinks I am cold; who tells me "YOU" when I look into his eyes and ask what is he thinking; who says he wants to marry me and buy me a big diamond when he grows taller and stronger; who asks if he could help me tie my hair because he wants me to be pretty; and who gets "angry" with his little brother for being naughty when Rynus accidentally hits me with his toys. And for Rynus boy, although he's just a 9 months old baby who doesn't know how to express himself, he puts up the brightest smile everyday when I walk towards him; he calls me "ma, ma" when I step away from his cot without carrying him up; he laughs in my arms when I feed him milk at 3am every morning; and he hides under my arms when other people want to carry him when I bring him for daily stroll before going to work... Aren't these great enough? Someone says but, once they get married, it's a totally different story! Well to be honest, I will be more than glad when one day my boys could treat their wives this way, that will be the time I could stop worrying for them as a mother and my husband and I could enjoy our own couple time again!

So do I want another girl? Nope, I said in my previous post that my life is complete with my 2 boys, and I really meant it. I don't have to defense my answer by listing my concerns about my age, my career, my finances, my chance of conceiving a baby girl, my ability to get a good caregiver or provide a good life for a 3rd one. It's not that I don't like girls, but I will never consider having another girl just because many people think girls will take better care of their aging parents.

Come on, let's face the fact, my husband is the one and only one person in this world, who supposed to spend a life time with me, not my parents, not my children, not anybody else. If the reason of having kids is so that I can depend on them when I get old, honestly, don't have kids then!! Save up the amount of $$ I have to spend on kids, and I can jolly well enjoy an extremely luxurious life at retirement age, or better, I might be able to even retire early. The amount of time, money and efforts spent on raising up a kid is really beyond imagination, and calculation! But once they grow up, they will have their own lives and as parents, we only wish that the boys could grow up together with brotherly love for each other, have good health, successful career and most importantly, a harmonious family of their own!

Parents with kids of same gender might have this stereotyped image of always wanting another one of opposite sex, but in actual fact, we just enjoy and appreciate our own kids as the best gifts in the world, and it's indeed easier to bring them up as we are more experienced and for our kids, they can play well together as they are likely to share similar interest especially during their childhood time. 

I love you both perpetually my Renzo and Rynus boy with all my heart, and 100% unconditionally!!

Baby Rynus, you've made my life complete..

Many people asked if I favor our methodical but shy Renzo over our apathetic but easy Rynus?? Even my mother-in-law questioned me a few times after seeing me behaving extremely calm after I delivered Rynus, but cried like a baby when Renzo visited me and his new born brother in hospital on that very same day.

I’ll use the perfect answer New York Times Motherlode blogger Lisa Belkin included in a post: “I love both my boys equally…But I like them differently, and for different reasons, and at different times.”

I just read a book titled "I love you the purplest" by Barbara M. Joose.

Two young brothers head out with their mother in a rowboat for an evening of fishing. They ask her to tell them who is better at each different task. As she tucks them into bed that night, they ask whom she loves the best??

To the jubilant Max she loves the "reddest"...
"I love you the color of the sky before it blazes into night.
I love you the color of a leopard’s eyes when it prowls through the jungle, and the color of a campfire at the edge of the flame. A wide open hug. The swirl of a magic cape. The thunder of a shout."

To the quiet Julian she loves the "bluest"...
"I love you the color of a dragon fly at the tip of its wing. I love you the color of a cave in its deepest, hidden part where grizzly bears and bats curl up until night. The mist of a mountain. The splash of a waterfall. The hush of a whisper."

Together she loves both her boys the "purplest"!!!

Every child holds a special place in a parent's heart. As much as I don't like people commenting that I dote on Renzo more, I know sibling rivalry is pretty inevitable at this stage because Renzo needs a lot more attention and affirmation now, whereas Rynus doesn't know how to express himself much although I believe he knows what's going on for sure.

I do have an immense sense of guilt towards Rynus because of many reasons. When Daddy suggested to plan for 2nd child, I told him that I rather have just one Renzo so to be able to provide him with the best we have. Honestly I couldn't have imagined how much joy and laughter I would have missed if we didn't even try for Rynus. Then I changed my mind and brought the plan forward due to my career commitment, when I knew that all of us have to crash with my in-laws till Rynus turns one, while waiting for our new house to be fully built and ready for moving in. If I could be not as career minded, and have waited a little longer till we move out, we shouldn't have felt stressed out during my confinement month, and discussed countless times about whether to rent a house or not after noticing the boys couldn't sleep well in the same room due to all the night feedings and disturbances. Again due to work commitment, I returned to office after 2 months of maternity leave and left my merely 2 months old boy to helper at home the whole day. I often feel that Rynus is not as attentive and curious to surroundings as Renzo but when Renzo was a baby, I worked from home and took care of him till he was 8 months old. I sang 10 different lullabies more than 20 times in a day to Renzo but probably not even once to Rynus in one week.
Rynus is indeed a very strong and chubby baby but he fell terribly sick for at least 3 times and even stayed in hospital for 3 days when he was only 3 months. If only we could have a place of our own, we could separate the 2 boys in different rooms, and Rynus shouldn't have caught the flu bug that easily from Renzo who's time at the childcare center exposes him to all sorts of virus and bacterias.

I know one day, if Rynus replies me with "okie dokie artichokie!!" when I say "I love you, Rynus!"; if Rynus hides under the blanket and asks me to check "Where is my Rynus?"; if Rynus gives one of his only two grapes to me and insists only Mummy can eat that, my heart will surely melt as those are the things Renzo always does with me.

But even if Rynus is not doing all these to me, I still love him "the purplest" and the most special feeling he's brought to me, is that when I had Daddy Chan, I felt I was lucky, when I had Renzo Chan, I felt I was blessed, and when I had Rynus Chan, I felt that my life is finally complete!!

Cost of having baby Rynus

Rynus' Godpa, Renzo's uncle Zheng Cheng, oh yah apparently our 2 little boys do not share the same Godpa for God knows (well Daddy should know though) what reason, has been visiting baby Rynus pretty often and interestingly, the little boy does follow some good traits of his Godpa, both being smiley, quiet and extremely easy going =)..

Anyway so the other day, the Godpa popped this one million dollar question out of curiosity, which, indeed made me seriously wonder a bit before I could give a good answer..

So, how much does it cost to have our little baby Rynus?

Before I start diving into the details, let's just look at the comparison here on the cost of having Renzo in 2009, vs. the cost of having Rynus in 2012.

Do note that a single bedder at Thomson Medical Center is a pretty common choice, but my gynae Dr Lim Teck Chye at the Tow Yung Clinic is a famous and reputable doctor who doesn't come cheap. Usually the gynae package costs around S$500 - 1000 and mine was above S$3000, but definitely for a good cause. You will agree with me on that if you have read the birth story of Renzo and Rynus. Medication cost dropped more because I started to understand which are the supplements required so I didn't buy a lot during Rynus' time. And full scan cost also dropped because I did the OSCAR scan during Rynus' time, which was more detailed than the blood test done during Renzo's time.

Were we stressed over the daunting task of accumulating funds before we decided to have 2nd child? In actual fact, nope we weren't. If a couple has a good habit of saving about 20% of monthly income, then it's not too difficult and not to forget, we do get some sort of help from our government. For babies born after 2012, Aug 26, there is a cash gift of S$6000 each for 1st and 2nd child, and S$8000 each for 3rd and 4th child. The payout is much faster than before and you get S$3000 after child birth, S$1500 when baby is 6 months and another S$1500 when baby is 1 year old. For Renzo and Rynus, they received S$4000 each. And during their time, the payout was done in 4 installments from birth to one and half years old. 

Child Development Account (CDA) is a special savings account that you open at any OCBC or Standard Chartered Bank and you can save in this account any time until your child turns 12 years of age. The savings will be matched dollar-for-dollar up to the cap of S$6000 each for 1st and 2nd child, S$12000 each for 3rd and 4th child, S$18000 each for the 5th and subsequent child. The amount sounds huge but in actual fact, we spent the saved S$6000 and matched S$6000 in Renzo's CDA account by the time he turned 3 years old, that's a whooping S$12000 spent mostly on his pretty decent childcare center, for S$520 a month after a S$300 subsidy from government for working mother. I am sure for Rynus, we will get his CDA account wiped out even faster, as this poor little boy gets flu bugs often and each visit to specialist can easily cost us S$200 - 500. Comparatively, the money we spent on his vaccination (about S$550 after S$400 deduction from CPF) at private GP, seems extremely affordable. Cost of the vaccination will be cheaper at polyclinic if you do not mind the long queue and the hassle to take leave during weekdays. And of course doctor visit can be cheaper, or even FREE if you bring your little one to normal GP every time. Like for our case, my company has all my dependents' medical bill covered at panel doctors, but unfortunately, most of the time Rynus can only get recovered faster under the treatment of pediatrician, for that, I can only claim a S$40 consultation fee per visit from my company.

The only one additional financial help I got in terms of having baby, is the S$2000 flexi benefit from my company which could be used to claim for pre-natal, post-natal checkup at gynae's clinic, and delivery charges at hospital (obviously that's not enough to cover everything since my gynae package is way above average ones). And we were also given a one time pay out of S$2000 cash gift for up to 3rd child, both to female employees and spouse of male employees. But in all honesty, such kind of benefit is very rare in the market (another reason why I want to retire here in my current company, LOL).

Of course having kids is not just the money. Many couples have concerns mainly because they do not have a caregiver to look after the baby when both of them need to work.

Hiring a foreign domestic worker will cost you at least S$600 (with S$170 levy going to the government) a month and be prepared to pay a lump sum of S$3000 to the agent before you even get to see your helper in person; a nanny or infant care costs at least S$800 or $1000 respectively, but you do not have the flexibility of sending/picking up your child at any time you want. Getting help from either set of grandparents might be the highly sought after option, but for them to give up their job, or retirement lifestyle to help you at such age, I bet you have to give them even more, and with a guilty heart.

And not to forget some one time "indirect cost" incurred (depending on your own choice though), such as:

- Confinement lady (S$1900 - 2300 minimum), I have not engaged any for both of my confinement, and if you do, only one advice, DO NOT rely on confinement lady to look after baby, take care of baby yourself, especially at night, so that after the confinement lady leaves, you don't get a shock and start panicking about how to deal with your own new born.
- Catered Confinement Food (S$1500+), I only advise to take 1 week or 2 weeks supply if you have the need, which costs S$400+ or S$800+, but if you decide to prepare a nutritious confinement meal with expensive tonics yourself, it will cost you S$600-1200 easily (especially if the confinement lady is the one doing the marketing).
- Tonics for mummy (S$300 - 500), that's just talking about bird nests, is it necessary to have it? Well I only know that my episiotomy wound recovered extremely fast after my 2nd delivery and I could only attribute that to 12 big bottles of bird nest I had during my confinement month.
- Baby stuff including must haves like cot, stroller, carrier, thermometer (S$1100 and above), my only advice to save cost is, not to buy too many things (especially clothes and toys) at one go, invest on one or two items every month and slowly find out what is really needed.
- Full month baby shower (S$300 and above), we did not have any celebration for Rynus, but just the cheapest option of cake vouchers cost us more than S$200. I would think that out of courtesy, getting some cakes for friends and colleagues are definitely essential, but whether to throw in a big party at home or in a restaurant, it's up to individual but always take into consideration that mummy and baby will need plenty of rest at this early stage.

In a nutshell, how much is enough? The more the merrier my friends!!!
But just to be a little more precise, let me try to help out with the calculation here. Assuming the baby bonus of S$6000 is going to cover all the miscellaneous expenses ("indirect costs") I mentioned above, you need to set aside at least S$3000-5000 in cash to cover the checkup and delivery cost comfortably, and of course pray hard for a smooth delivery and healthy baby at the same time.

And every month, you need to fork out a minimum of S$300, to spend on milk powder if you are not able to supply your precious one with breast milk, and on disposable diapers if you do not wish to see your baby waking up frequently from a soiled cloth diaper. Cost on caregiver varies but S$600 is the minimum and so far we still believe hiring a helper is the best solution. Another S$100-200 needs to go to insurance (a good hospitalization plan and life policy or education endowment plan). So a monthly cost of S$1100 minimum on a new born baby, is the amount you have to set aside and maintain for at least 6 years till your child is in primary school.

We are definitely going to stop at 2, and indeed we are more than blessed to have our 2 lovely boys by now. If you are planning for kids, be quick!! Unlike property or car market, you experience crashes and prices come down once a while. Cost of setting up a family is just going to get higher and higher because there's just no way for you to expect a price drop on medical bills or education fees, at least not in our country!

Rynus the little smiley angel

Mummy has been away for a business trip for days and our little Rynus seems to be feeling it a little. Having the occasional blank look towards the gate and randomly calling out 'mama mama ma', in fact, our helper told me that on the third night when Mummy was away, Rynus cried out for Mummy in the middle of the night... haha.. must have been dreaming of Mummy~

But in his apparent i-miss-mummy state, Rynus still has enough attention on his toys and food to distract him and forget that his loving mummy is not within close proximity. He is still eating well and still as smiley as ever and that little 2 teeth that are breaking out of his gym are causing him to wag his little tongue across the bottom of his mouth in the cutest fashion. He used to be a little shy around strangers and when handled by them, would cry (only after he pushes himself far enough to realised it ain't the usual family members carrying him...lol) but recently, seem to be more adaptable to having others handle him, including my out-station brother who visited us recently and a very distant relative from China.

This little one is now full of curiosity and stronger than i previously thought. When placed in his crib which is conveniently (for him) positioned just beside my computer table, he would crawl to the corner and with his little round hands, start fishing for whatever he can grab onto, pens, wallet, coins, envelopes and even my wireless USB stick. And, with his newfound strength, he is able to rock the crib so hard that the crib knocked onto my computer table and caused my little glass bowl (which i use to hold my loose change and other coins) to drop and shatter... mehhh... now it's been replaced by an unglam plastic bag until I find a suitable replacement.

Speaking of new found strength, he seem to be able to sit up much longer than before and is finally about to stand up with support, though he still doesn't have the strength to pull himself into a standing position. But with a little encouragement from everyone, I'm sure he'll be there in no time~!

more flashcards for baby Rynus!!

I am surprised to realize how times flies, baby Rynus is turning 8 months old by end of the month!!

For the past 2 months, he didn't really put on too much weight but remained around 9.4kg due to his bad health. After our visit to Dr Ong Eng Keow on Dec 15, 2012, we had to finally make a trip down to Dr Veronica Toh's clinic at Raffles Hospital, on Jan 16, 2013, as Rynus baby has not fully recovered after 1 month! Indeed his situation got a little worse after he recovered 80% back in Dec, and he's been coughing badly and vomiting frequently after his mid-night feed, that's why we decided to give Dr Toh a try instead, since she's the expert who has a full record of Rynus' medical history.

Anyway as per Dr Toh's accurate estimation, Rynus recovered after 1 week, we visited her clinic twice in a week, and even purchased a nebulizer since it seems that Rynus baby needs that every time he falls sick, the medical bill burned a big hole on our pocket but nothing is more important than his health!!

So now since Rynus is getting very close to full recovery, I started to think about his physical/mental development at about 8 months.

When his Kor Kor Renzo was at this age, he had a total of 5 teeth, but Rynus has only 2 bottom incisors erupting at the moment.

Renzo was able to sit on his own unsupported when he was only 5 months, but till now, Rynus still can't really do that.

Renzo was able to clap his hands, respond to "high five", and recognize a few objects as well as alphabets around this age, but Rynus can't do any of them.

I re-read Renzo's development at month 07 and month 08 and I am really pretty amazed with his progress at that time. I do feel that although our ex-helper Ayeaye is not as good as our current helper Jona, in almost every aspect, in terms of doing housework, looking after baby, and cooking, Ayeaye's efforts and ability to help with Renzo's academic growth, is just indelible!

I took out those flashcards we bought for Renzo 3 years back, and passed to Jona this morning. Rynus didn't seem to be as curious and interested at the moment (he was attempting to stuff the cards into his mouth when I left for work), but I know he will start to absorb more slowly but surely.

Am I worried about his growth? Nope, not at all!! Every kid is different and in fact Rynus crawls and eats a lot better than Renzo. He even knew how to clear his throat by coughing out the phlegm since he was 5 months old, where his kor kor doesn't even know how to blow his nose at 3 years and 5 months old -_-!! And, not to forget that our little Rynus has super sweet personality and brings lots of laughter to everyone inside, and outside the house!!

making friend with nebulizer is no fun!

Our poor little Rynus is down with flu again, yes he was just hospitalized for 3 days in September and now, he got the flu bug from somewhere, somehow, again..

On Saturday, December 15, we queued for 2.5 hours to see Rynus' pediatrician, famous Dr Ong Eng Keow from International Child & Adolescent Clinic, located at Mount Alvernia hospital. We thought about other alternatives like Dr Jean Lim, the PD we frequent most at Rafflies Medical, Tampines One for its convenient location, or Dr Veronica Toh at Raffles Hospital since Rynus has his full medical record with Dr Toh. But in the end, I made the call to visit Dr Ong instead since he's the PD assigned to both Renzo and Rynus since birth. Although they both only went to him once for review as new born, we figured that Dr Ong is extremely experienced from the way he treated the severe jaundice for both boys.

Okay side track a bit here, we all know that Asian babies develop jaundice often around 3-5 days after birth. There is this flower/wood sold at any Chinese medical hall for SGD$1.5-2 per pack, which can be used for 3 times. Grab that to shower your baby by pouring a portion into hot water, wait till the water turns brownish, remove all the flowers/wood from the hot water, add in cold water to make the temperature just right and shower your baby with the water. I bet it works better than sun bathe (not easy during rainy season) or phototherapy (most people do not do it unless advised by doctor after review) to certain extend, at least you can try this before the review on 5th or 7th day.

Anyway back to baby Rynus, his situation was not as serious as the previous time. He only developed some dry cough on the 14th evening, he had pretty bad whizzing and vomited out a bit of phlegm. He had a fever of 38.3 degree on the 15th morning but his fever subsided soon after taking 1ml of paracetamol. Other than that, he looked perfectly alright, not lethargic or cranky like most other sick babies.

We were quite shocked when Dr Ong announced that Rynus got a croup infection and might need to be admitted to hospital. It took Dr Ong less than 30 seconds to come to that conclusion, before he even took out his stethoscope to examine our baby, that showed how experienced he is and made me feel the long wait outside his door is super worthwhile.

Basically croup is a viral infection of the voice box, which causes a dry "barking seal" cough. Dr Ong made an effort to patiently advise a few great tips to us which I find extremely useful for young parents.

1. If you have one and only one child at home, it's extremely common that your child only get sick for the very first time, at the age of one or one and half years old, so do not take that for granted and think that babies won't get sick at a tender young age of a few months old.

2. If your elder child is attending pre-school, chances for the younger one to get infected is extremely high, unless you could separate them at home most of the time. A cough or sneeze from the elder one could get the baby infected easily if he/she did that right in front of the face of your poor little one.

3. You might think baby is just having a normal flu, and there's no fever at all, but PD might advise to admit the baby, why? Because if baby is not having enough fluid, they will get dehydrated. At such a young age, it's better to be safe than sorry.

4. Then how can you tell when to admit the baby as PD only advised to admit if necessary? Monitor your baby carefully, if he/she is not drinking well, meaning wants milk but has to stop during feeding to breathe through the mouth, then don't hesitate because in the hospital, they can put baby on a machine to monitor how much oxygen baby can inhale and if the level drops, it could be pretty dangerous, but at home, there's no way for you to figure that out.

5. When your baby starts to show signs of illness, note down the symptoms and timing. That's the reason why doctors and nurses always start with questions like "how long....??", because if the baby is infected with virus or bacteria, usually the 3rd or 4th day could be the peak period so if you notice that baby is not recovering after that, most likely immediate medical treatment is required.

Rynus was given antibiotics and we have to loan a nebulizer for home treatment every 4 hourly. Luckily when we went back to Dr Ong for review on Tuesday morning, he's almost recovered but we need to give him some other medicine for his loose stool and bad rashes on his buttock. Fortunately, he can finally say byebye to his nebulizer and there's no need to admit him to hospital.

He lost 110gram after being sick for a few days, but overall, he's still a chubby cute boy who's about 9.4kg at 6 and half  months. I seriously think it's time for us to bring his brother Renzo for a flu jab although it won't prevent him from falling sick completely, and an air purifier that kills germs and bacterias in the room, might be a good investment for our family with a preschool toddler and little infant at home.

Shopping guide for first time parents

Being parents for the 2nd time, the biggest advantage we have, is that we are really way more experienced when comes to caring our little one, and shopping for baby is not a hassle anymore because we know exactly what we want, or rather say what baby needs, and it's not a trial and error + wasting $$ game anymore.

When we had Renzo in 2009, we came up with a shopping list after many rounds of revision and still, we had purchased certain items, which are either not practical/effective enough, or completely useless for little Renzo. But this time round, we are a lot wiser, and let me introduce some "must have" items for first time parents!!

1. Shampoo / Thermometer / Baby nose cleaner

First of all, there's this thing called "cradle cap", which is a yellowish, patchy, crusty skin layer that appears on the scalp of new born babies. Renzo had that for more than 3 months and we were not even aware of such a great remedy - Dentinox Cradle Cap shampoo, till we had Rynus this time. This could be purchased from pharmacy or pediatrician at about SGD$12. Looks like a small bottle but it's super effective and can clean up the cradle cap upon a few days of application. After that, you can just use it as a normal baby shampoo. Baby olive oil will do the same trick but I have not tried that.

Thermometer is a must have as infants fall sick easily. We bought a "Cadi Advanced Sensing Thermometer" for Renzo 3 years back for SGD$90, but we ended up chucking it aside because it's always hard to get the reading accurately from the forehead. And eventually after a few frustrating experience of not getting accurate readings, we invested on this BRAUN brand baby thermometer which is probably the most common and popular model used in clinics and hospitals. It's proven to be extremely good. It's not cheap but it lasts for years. If you think it's not necessary to invest on this, just get the most traditional type of themometer because for infants, the best reading is still from armpit with the traditional themometer, which is why if you happens to visit hospital (unfortunately), nurses use that for infants all the time.

Lastly, get a Baby nose cleaner, ours is from Pigeon brand. If your baby is having congested nose, this is the best solution and it's super efficient, give it a try!!

2. First baby toys

I used to think that babies below 6 months old do not know how to play toys, I was all wrong! Get some soft rattles for your little ones and you will be amazed by how fast they can learn to play.

A: This soft rattle is from Japan and can be found at Kiddy Palace. Small infants reflexively prefer to look at high-contrast edges and patterns. So toys in black/white/red catch their attention easily, and it's really soft so I find it most suitable for new borns since they can't grab and hold yet, hence even it it drops and hits the baby, it's not painful at all.

B: This rattle used to be Renzo's favorite, and now Rynus also loves it. So I figured that it must be the  super soothing sound the rattle makes which is very different from most other rattles.

C: Wondering what's so special about this rattle? This design is the easiest to grip for babies' small hands!

D: Kiddy Palace has this type in a big box and they are colorful and loud, serves as a teether but I find it more suitable for bigger babies who are at least about 4 months old and above.

Once baby is able to sit with a bit of support, this stacking action blocks from Fisher-Price become perfect toys for them. The blocks are educational as well as entertaining. Kids love the different colors, and they also learn about cause and effect (press a button - the wheel spins, etc..). Renzo used to spin them with his fingers and laugh non-stop at this age, Rynus is still learning to do that but I can tell he's extremely interested in these blocks.

 

3. Baby Clothes
Spoiled with too many choices? Here are a few tips:
Infant - 3 months:

A: Super easy to wear, and with such hot weather in Singapore, baby can just wear this top with diaper during day time. Problem is that when they start to move a lot, it does not cover/protect their belly button.

B: Great romper especially when you need to bring baby out. Buttons are in front so it's very easy to wear, but the size is up to 3 months of age only and if you have a chubby baby like mine, it will last for no more than 2 months.

Remember not to get too many pieces as they will outgrow super fast!

3 months and above:
A/B: Short and Long sleeves rompers for day and night from Mothercare.Slightly more expensive but they are of really great quality. I was searching high and low for such kind of front button rompers at Kiddy Palace and some other shops, but in no avail. I think Kiddy Palace has such type for 0-3 months infants, maybe they think that 3 months+ babies can support their neck well and those wide neck romper without buttons are good enough. But that's not true, front opening type is still most practical, convenient and comfortable for little babies. You can just get 2 pieces each and it can last for a very long time. I get one size bigger so they can last from 2 months till at least 9 months I believe.

C: Carter's romper set which costs only about SGD16 for 5-6 pieces. The quality is not as good but the material is somehow very cooling. Take note that this is only suitable for babies with strong neck support, or else it's not so easy to wear and might cause some discomfort to baby when you pull it through baby's head. And always remember to get at least 1-2 size bigger as Carter's is "famous" for their small cutting. This piece here for my less than 5 months old Rynus boy, is meant for 12 months old baby, LOL...

Besides the above, Rynus has been benefiting from some other good stuff we bought for Renzo before, as mentioned by Daddy Chan in Renzo's blog post here.

The baby swimming pool is a no no to us as it's time/water consuming and we rather bring him to the real pool for some real fun!

Also, remember to get a good hospitalization plan that covers deductible and co-insurance for your little one, it helps to save you a lot of money for more baby shopping if baby really gets hospitalized one day.

Home remedy to treat "colic"

First of all, I have to say that I am very lucky that both my boys have never experienced "colic", but I've read quite a fair bit of information on "colic", as both my nieces have suffered from it and that really worried my sister for a while.

There are a few ways to differentiate a "colic" and a "crying" baby but what my sister shared with me is that, watch out how the baby cries, if baby cries for long hours, usually starts at a fixed time during the day and happens often around early evening, and baby likes to kick the legs up and down, and always moves the knee towards the stomach, most probably, you are having a "colicky" baby.

I've came across many home remedies to treat "colic", such as warm up cooking oil, rub on baby's belly; boil mint in water for 10 minutes and add that into baby's milk, or even give coke mixed with water which I seriously think is crazy although many claimed it worked.

Anyway what I want to share here is, a simple baby massage using ru yi oil ( 如意油), taught by my malay post-natal jamu massage lady. She told me that doctors usually advise that colic is caused by abdominal pain, but they believe that it could have something to do with cramps (no scientific evidence so please do not quote me on this). Anyway the massage is fairly easy to do so feel free to give it a try by following these 3 simple steps:

1. Start from the back, put a few drops of ru yi oil on your palm and massage baby's back in an up-and-down motion, for about 15-25 times.

2. Move on to the calves, put a bit of oil on your thumb (when baby is still young, in this case if you look at my video, I used my palm again as I have a "michelin" baby), stroke the calves in up-and-down motion for about 15-25 times on each side, with a little bit of pressure.

3. Turn baby back down and massage the front just like how you massage the back, but focus a bit on the stomach area which is at the left side and massage it from the side to the center.

A few tips to share here:
1. Put a little bit more of ru yi oil during massage for better result. My first bottle of oil for my elder boy lasted for more than 2 years but after learning this massage technique, I finished the second bottle for my younger boy within a month or two.
2. While massaging the calves, if baby starts to cry, that's perfectly normal as that's a sign that baby is having a lot of stomach gas hence when we do the massage, it could cause a bit of pain.
3. For the first few weeks, after every daily massage, my boy will pass out a lot of gas and I believe the massage helps to get rid of the wind in baby's stomach.

Again like I mentioned, since Rynus did not suffer from colic, I can't be 100% sure this is a perfect remedy for colic but when my sister tried this on her younger daughter, it worked like magic, so give a try parents and hopefully you can have a better sleep at night. =)

P/S: Even if this does not help, no worries, usually babies will outgrow from "colic" by 3rd or 4th month, if you are lucky enough, they will be fine right after full month so just hang in there!!